Love and the Power of your Influences

Love.  Have you ever just sat and thought about it, and why you believe what you believe about it?  I have!  I've discovered throughout the years so many faulty beliefs I had about this mysterious, yet needed, part of life's journey.  I've discovered that love is really actually very simple!  What's complex is the emotional aspects that accompany love.  Read that again, and just digest that for a moment.

 

My journey to choosing love has not been an easy one by far.  In fact, as I sit here this morning and write this blog, I can honestly say that relationally, when it comes to a man, I've loved, I mean really, really loved one man my entire life...up until now.  Now, I have had guy friends that I have loved in the past and I have guy friends now that I love deeply.  In fact, my best friend on this planet, Sameer, I can tell you I love with the kind of love that would do anything to be there for him or any member of his family if he needed me.  He is one of my greatest gifts of friendship that God gave me in this life and we will grow old together, as best friends!  In addition to that, I will also love the wife God gives him, and she will become one of my dearest friends also, and I will be there for her, as I am there for him and my prayer is the same when it comes to the man in my life.

Sameer has taught me a lot about love.  As his best friend, I've been privy to his journey, just as he has been privy to mine.  We've talked a lot about "love" over the past 15 years.  What it should be, what it shouldn't be, what it should look like, what it shouldn't look like, and the list goes on.  He's been my blueprint in what I desire in a mate, and I've been his.  The number one thing I've learned by watching Sameer is about commitment!!  He is disciplined and committed when he makes a choice.  He does not let his emotions run his life.  He is solid and logical, yet listens to his heart, which is such an integral part of living life full out!  Something he and I both desire to do!!  These character traits in him have been my greatest influence in my life over the years.  Those traits have inspired me through raising a daughter, when many times I just wanted to give up because I "felt" so inadequate.  They have gotten me through hurts that my heart just wouldn't have been able to take, had it not been for learning discipline and commitment, and the list goes on.  So why am I talking about Sameer?  Well, because I think its an important place to start because had I not had his influence, I would have not been ready for the journey I'm on right now.

I think many times we overlook the power of our influence.  I can tell you that I've inspired many in the journey of "singleness."  I mean, I've been single for 18 years.  People watch me, just as they watch you.  You never know how you may be influencing someone.  Pay attention!  As I'm slowly watching my single life disappear and bring me to the next season of my life, I realize more and more that love is really a choice.  It's choosing to open yourself up to, what I believe, is the greatest risk of your life!  LOVE!  Love has the capacity to rip your world apart.  It also has the capacity to make your world the brightest place on the planet!  I think all of us can say we've been hurt when it comes to love.  After the hurt, we build walls that are nearly impenetrable.  Or, we only let someone so close and then we begin to hunker down and lock areas of our hearts so we remain somewhat safe.  Yet, we rob ourselves so much when we live in the realm of self-preservation.  Then our emotional world may take us down the path of "I don't want to love like this because one day it will be over and one of us will die, and my heart just can't go through that pain."  Oh yea, my emotions take me there too.  I've had to pause and jerk my heart back to living full out in this journey of love that I'm on because I committed to myself, that this girl is living full out!  That my friends is a choice!  I refuse to live behind walls.  I'm choosing to live beyond walls!!   

One of the love stories that has ministered greatly to me recently is that of a couple who have been together for nearly 50 years.   Her husband was diagnosed with cancer sometime ago and I've watched them battle this thing together.  Their story is beautiful and inspiring to me.  Their story influences me!  I've seen pretty amazing marriages over the course of the last decade.  I've seen great examples and I've also seen some not so great examples.  I've seen very selfish individuals in relationships.  It's actually very sad to me.  One thing I've gleaned over these years and have come to know and understand is love, when lived right, is selfless!  If you have two people "choosing" to be selfless for the other person, you've got a give - give equation.  That's how love becomes what it was intended and designed to be!

This love that I've described above is the very love that Jeff, my balancing half, as I refer to him, and I, are getting the opportunity to build right now, with each other.  He and I just seem like we've always been, but at the same time are learning each other; our likes and dislikes, what irritates us, how we should respond to each other in times of frustration, etc.  We talk about everything!  I knew that this relationship was going somewhere when he became the first one I wanted to call when something great was happening, or when something not so great was happening.  He exhibits the kind of commitment and discipline that is a must for me both in life and in a relationship.  He's a breath of fresh air to me because he knows how to have fun!  Laugh....does he make me laugh!!!  He is simple but complex, which I find incredibly exhilarating.  We can have deep, serious conversation at times and then other times we're like two kids just being silly and crazy.  I'm completely myself with him and I feel safe and secure living transparent before him.

As I continue this journey, I want to share as I go because I'm literally putting into practice all the things I've learned over the years.  I'm thankful that this journey did not happen until this time in my life because I feel like I'm at a place where I am able to really do this thing and invest my whole heart.  I'm not looking back, only forward.  With the amazing influences I've had in my life to teach and train me, I'm embracing this journey with great expectations!  I'm thankful that the years of singleness were not just spent waiting, but were spent investing in myself to learn and grow and become a whole person on my own.  Wow, when you are not seeking someone else to fill the holes in your heart, it brings the journey of love to a whole other level.  I've never experienced a human love like this, but I can tell you that its been worth the wait.  So if you're single and still "waiting" let me encourage you to invest in you, during the waiting time.  I would also encourage you to surround yourself with those who have amazing relationships and marriages!  Gleen what you can.  Ask questions, observe them, spend time with them, ask about their story.  Then begin to journal the love story you would like to live.  And for you list makers.....well, I pulled my list back out not too long ago and I found that I was using it to run away from love because it was soooooo "perfect."  I had a good friend of mine call me out on it....thank you Erica!!!  After she called me out on it, I folded up my list, talked to my friend Sameer and he encouraged me to just enjoy the journey.  That's what I did, and you know what?  It's turning out to be the best journey of my life!!  Jeff has all the character traits I desire, and at the end of the day, that's what matters!  

Enjoying the journey....

TDahl