Early this morning, I was slowly waking up and I felt this strong urge to write a blog on marriage. Now, I'm no expert in marriage whatsoever! I was a student of marriage though, for many years, and still am!! I feel that I've learned a great deal from the example of my spiritual parents, Allen & Janice Speegle. Recently, my husband and I attended their "Love that Lasts" marriage workshop. Most of what they taught, I was privy to see in their marriage, over the course of twelve years. Prior to their leadership, my former pastors, Mark and Crystal Evans also mirrored a phenomenal example of what a great marriage should and could be. I attended marriage workshops, long before I was ever married! I'm very thankful that God set me in the midst of those who understand what it takes to create an amazing marriage. Now, I have the opportunity to work out the principles they've taught me, in my own marriage. I'm incredibly grateful to Daddy God and them for their investment into my life!
First, I want to say, that although I'm in the "newlywed" stage, I am very well aware that marriage takes commitment, first and foremost, and it requires intention! Intention to me, is action with a specific result in mind. I feel many have "intentions" but rarely have "follow through!" Intention to me is the act of following through!
When Jeff and I began dating, there were specific qualities I looked for that would give me a gauge as to whether or not he was husband material. I studied him. I observed his actions and reactions to things. I also did not stick my head in the sand in regards to my strengths and weaknesses. I invested years in myself to cultivate a new mindset in regards to relationships. I never witnessed a healthy marriage within my own family core while growing up, and my mindset about relationships early on in life, was very unhealthy. I embraced that while working on me! I also made it a priority in my single life, to learn about how men were wired! What made them flourish? What made them feel less than? What was the main trigger of relationship breakdown? I would ask questions and I found lots of answers throughout my years of study. I would take myself through various scenarios in my minds eye on how I would respond to certain things in a relationship, etc., especially with the full knowledge that I am a very strong woman! Though, I'm strong, I had full knowledge that I was not designed to wear the pants in the family, per say. Many strong women, find it very difficult to give up, for lack of a better term, "control!" Strong women have this ideal in their minds of how things should run! If we are not careful, we can become "nags!" Proverbs states (paraphrased) that "it is better to live on the corner of a rooftop than to live with a nag!" It would break my heart if my husband ever referred to me as a nag, so I am extremely careful in my response to things, in the event I may not agree with a decision he makes.
There were a few things on my so called "mate" checklist that needed to be so real for me. First, I would have to have a great trust in him, and have a great respect for him. The man that would even have half a chance in winning my heart would have to exhibit the character traits that would warrant trust and respect! In following my heart, I knew it would feel safe, if he indeed possessed those qualities.
Jeff obviously exhibited the qualities I needed because on July 30th we said "I do!" I chose that man whole heartedly! Jeff and I are both very strong individuals, yet the two of us have very tender hearts. Do we see eye to eye on everything? Nope! Does that change the fact that I trust and respect that man? Not at all!! Jeff and I communicate about everything. We talk things out. He has made some decisions that I do not agree with, however because he is my husband, and I both trust and respect him, I yield to his decision. He is also very careful in making decisions that could hurt or dishonor my heart in any way. In marriage we will not do everything right! We are human beings. However, if we remain fully aware that our words, actions, and decisions, can and will affect the other person, we are consciously keeping our marriage on priority status!
Ladies, our men need our trust and respect! You may say, "well, I can't respect my husband and I don't trust him because he makes bad decisions!" My response to that is "and you don't?" Listen, just because someone makes a bad decision or doesn't do what you would do, does not give you the right to disrespect your man! Speak life to him! You want to see him make better decisions? Then encourage him! Wives, you need to be the biggest encourager in your man's life!!! Be the safe place he can fall! If you want to see him change some things, then you start by being the change you want to see. Respect is a choice!
Strong women, MARRIAGE is for you! You can be strong, but do not use your strengths in a way that it becomes a hindrance to your husband! You may have the right answer to something, he may not, or vice-versa. Allow your husband to be the man! Trust his judgment! You obviously trusted and respected him enough to say I do. If you said "I do" not having trust and respect for him, that's on you, not him! Take responsibility for your choice and then be honest with yourself and answer the question, is it possible for you to choose trust and respect for him and trust that the feelings will follow? Only you can answer that question.
Marriage is for Strong Women!
TDahl
