It is no secret for those who know me, that the majority of my life, my father was absent. My parents divorced when I was 2 years old, and at the age of 7, my biological father gave me up for adoption to my step-father. Daddy God was incredibly faithful in that He surrounded me with "spiritual" fathers. I've been incredibly blessed in that department. Most of my spiritual fathers have been pastors, which I find extremely interesting. However, today, I'm not going to write about my spiritual fathers. I'm going to write about my Father-In-Law, Donald Bolin.
I met my future Father-In-Law on October 10th, 2013. My husband and I had been dating since the end of August, and Dad was coming down to spend time with Jeff....and to meet me. I was so nervous! I knew that my Mom already approved of my relationship with Jeff, and so the next part for me was to get the approval of Jeff's Dad. When I met Dad Bolin, it was just easy!!! I got all nervous and worked up for absolutely nothing. Dad is never in the presence of a stranger for long. During his visit, Dad and I had coffee together every morning, studied the Bible together, and had LONG talks. We just connected!! Little did I know at that time, the plan God had for Dad and I's relationship.
As my relationship with Jeff became more serious (honestly, I think it was serious from day one), my relationship with Dad Bolin grew. I can't explain how all the pieces came together so quickly for Jeff and I. All I can explain is it was clearly God appointed and divinely directed!! One day, I will write about that journey in depth.
Jeff and I got engaged on April 12th of 2014. We were going to wait 2 years to get married because his daughter was still in school and he wanted to remain at his residence until she graduated. God had other plans. My biological father had been ill for several years, and he could not travel. My Mom's COPD had progressively gotten worse, that the distance for her to walk me down the grass path at my wedding ceremony, would have been too far. I asked Dad Bolin to walk me down the aisle and give me away. He said "I would be honored, baby!" Jeff and I were married on July 31st that year, and to have Dad give me away, along with my Mom, was one of the biggest highlights of my life.
Shortly after Jeff and I got married, my Mom was diagnosed with colon cancer. While they were able to surgically remove the cancer, my little Mama didn't bounce back as she had before. She lost some of her get up and go. Her COPD was worsening as well, and this was the crux of most of her health issues. She was a fighter though! In July of 2016, Mama caught a cold, and didn't go to the doctor in time so we ended up going through a huge trial - and long story short, my little Mama had an emergency Endotracheal Intubation performed in our driveway, to save her life. After a long hospital stay, and 6 weeks in a rehab facility, Mama was able to come home. Due to my being laid off of work, from a bank merger, I was able to have 2 months at home with her prior to starting my new job. Those two months were amazing. It was during this time that Daddy came for a visit again and so it was a huge blessing to have him here with us, The laughter that fills this house when the Bolin clan are together is absolutely the best! It was good medicine for Mama! Laughter is the best medicine! I knew we were on borrowed time with Mama. I didn't know how long we had left, but I was going to make the best of the time we had.
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| Dad Bolin and My Little Mama |
Dad makes a trip to Florida a few times a year to be with us and we enjoy every moment we get with him. This last trip however, was one for the books!! Literally! Little did we know what would transpire when he came for this last visit. Shortly after Daddy arrived, my Mama ended up in the hospital again. She had gone to the doctor to get antibiotics for a cold that was starting, but when she went for her follow up visit prior to the weekend, her doctor wanted her admitted. This started the final leg of her journey. She ended up on high flow oxygen, 35 liters to be exact. In order for her to come home she needed to be at 5 liters or under. All she wanted to do was come home and be able to sit at the dinner table with the family to experience our dinner table conversation and laughter that transpires every night! We experienced a miracle!!! With the help of a powerful drug to attack a fungus she had gotten in her lungs, and a lot of prayer, she was able to come home after 3 days. The day I got her home, the first thing I did was get her in the bathtub. Little did I know it would be the last bath I would ever give her. By that evening, gout had set in both of her little feet.
It was during this week that I experienced a father, in a physical presence, for the first time in my life!
I was working, and knew I didn't qualify for FMLA as I haven't been employed for this new company over 12 months. My little Mama needed help and Dad Bolin was the support system that Daddy God, hand picked, just for us!!! Mom, couldn't sleep in the brand new bed we had just gotten her. We had purchased an adjustable bed to make it easier for her to breathe. She just couldn't get comfortable. She tried for about about 2 nights, unsuccessfully. I had put a bell on her bed for her to ring when she needed to go to the bathroom, so that I would wake up. I would get up in the middle of the night to help her. It wasn't just a 5 minute ordeal, it was a 30 minute process with her debilitating gout. I was becoming exhausted.
Prior to Mama coming home, we had also purchased a power recliner for her. It was easier for her to just hit a button to recline, rather than exhaust herself trying to pull a lever. Mom thought she would try to sleep in that, rather than her bed, because she was just having the hardest time. Daddy and I began to take shifts at night - and not because I asked! He just jumped right in to help me. He would get up with Mom and take her to the bathroom so I could sleep through the night. He would sit with her through the day and care for her as well. He would hold her little hand, kiss her little head and was just there for her, making her feel comfortable. My Mama was very independent and she did not like asking for help, but Daddy made her feel OK through this time of "needing" help.
By the following weekend of Mama coming home from the hospital, I talked her into going back so she could get the help she needed to breathe. The struggle was too much and to see her suffer was beyond what I could take. She agreed to go, but not without resistance. I knew in my heart, Mama wasn't coming home this time! Upon our arrival to the ER, and with the help of a close friend of mine, Mom chose to go to Hospice. They kept her in the hospital until her sister, Rosemary could arrive on Tuesday and then transported her. We were going to bring her home with Hospice, but because of the complexity of her case, they suggested we go to the Hospice house. She agreed! That was the most important! I was going to do whatever Mama wanted and so that eased my heart and mind when she was on board.
On April 1st, my Mama made her move to heaven and I felt lost!!! Daddy was there, helping me through the process, making me laugh, crying with me, holding me, loving me, and just simply being there. He gave me advice, and wisdom on how to cope. He told me what to expect emotionally over the ensuing months. He was just there!!!!! He was just what I needed!!! Daddy God had been preparing the way for me....perfectly!!!!
My husband was a huge support in all of this as well, and I by no means, want to diminish his support, love, and companionship. I know exactly where my husband gets his servant's heart and compassionate spirit from. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, believe me!!! However, there is just something about a father's presence that brings such a stability to ones heart. I had never experienced that in my life, until now. The almost 3 months that Daddy was here, was one of the greatest gifts that Daddy God has given me. Dad Bolin is one of the most caring, compassionate, strong, loving, and genuine men I have ever known!!! He has become the hero of my heart! Like Daddy's should be to their little girls!!! His presence in my life has met one of the greatest needs of my heart....the presence of a father!!!
Rock Your Story,
TDahl
