The Shift

Sometimes things in life just don't make sense.  Your mind and heart are in serious disconnect and you can't figure out why.  You pray, and seek, and pray, and seek...and nothing, nothing, brings clarity to this internal chaos brewing inside of you.  I think one's first response is to try and find the external source causing the disruption - after all it has to be something external - right?!  However, when you begin to turn inward - listen to your heart, silence your mind, you will soon find clarity.  Most of us try to ignore the discontent beneath our skin, because it appears easier to just cast it off, and take on the attitude of "this too shall pass."  You go about your life until something happens or someone says or does something that jerks you quickly back to the reality of this internal friction you've become so great at ignoring. 

So here's my story...

My shift began a little over 2 years ago.  I can't tell you what started it - not that I don't know, but its just something deeply personal.  One day I'll be able to talk about it, but right now its too emotionally raw for me.  I will say that there are only a handful of people that know all of the details because I've needed to have a venting place to express my heart and my mind and I've also needed solid people that were detached completely from the issues, that know me intimately, to help bring my heart to Jesus, helping me to keep a healthy perspective.  I can say that during this season, as time went on my heart went numb.  I was just going through the motions of showing up to life every day.  I questioned myself over and over again.  I tried calling things that were not as though they were-hoping to see evidence of something different.  I even came to a point where I just wanted to shut down and stop everything.  It was during this time in 2010 that I had decided to go on a mission trip to Haiti.  I was following the best advice I've ever gotten - "when you're down and out, go serve someone in a worse state than yourself!"  

As the wheels of the plane touched down in Haiti, my heart had not even been remotely prepared for what my eyes were about to see.  As we exited the airport, I was riding in the back seat of a truck, looking out the window as I saw my first "Tent City."  It took my breath away - in a not good way!  Tears began to well up in my eyes, and big crocodile tears began to roll down each cheek.  My week in Haiti put a longing in my heart.  A longing to serve on a grander scale; a longing to build relationship with those who are like minded; and sing like I've never sung before!  You may ask what does singing have to do with it?  Well, kinda everything!  That is what my heart has longed to do since I could say "Mama" and that is the very thing that the enemy of my soul has tried to rob from me!  

When I came back from Haiti I was a different person.  I dove into music like never before!   I recorded a debut worship album in Nashville, TN in March 2011 with a 7K investment from my Mom - because after all, when you tell someone you're a singer, you need a calling card!  Then another thing happened.  A friend of mine, Sam Francart, decided she was going to do the "World Race."  This is a year long mission trip which is incredibly intense. It's literally like 12 countries in 12 months.  So, I talked with some friends of mine who are musicians and singers and said, "hey how about we do a "Night of Worship" for Sam's mission trip?  They loved the idea and well, that's exactly what we did!  As a team, we had the best time together.  The Night of Worship was amazing! We created a life memory that weekend in March 2012, and one day when we're old and gray rocking on our rocking chairs, instead of rocking worship venues from a stage, whether were together or apart, we'll still laugh when we recall our time together that weekend! 

The "Night of Worship" we did that weekend, birthed a desire in us to do this all the time!  So, guess what, that's exactly what we did!   In May of this year, I was having a small picnic lunch with a few friends and one of my friends said, "hey you need to do more worship nights" (those same friends had traveled all the way down to Palm Beach from Eustis to attend the event).  I wanted to do that a few years back, but it never came to fruition.  Anyway, I agreed with them and "Supernatural Saturday" was born in my heart that day!  So I put a Facebook Status out there letting people know we needed a venue for a monthly "Night of Worship."  Within 5 minutes I had a message from an Elder from The Church at Whistling Pines in Umatilla.  We had the meeting the end of May and started "Supernatural Saturday" in July and we're still going!  If you ever want to come - its' the last Saturday of every month at 6:30 PM.  Visit my website at www.tammydahl.com for info! 

In August, my best friend Sameer, sent me an email telling me to go get the book "Love Does" by Bob Goff and he said, get it today!  It just so happened that I was passing by a Books-A-Million on my way back from a meeting in Orlando.  I swung in, purchased the book, and basically couldn't get my face out of it - and still can't!  Now listen, I read A LOT!!!  I love books!  Another benefit I have received from my best friend is that he always encouraged me to read, read, read!  I loved books as a child but somehow got away from reading until he came into my life nearly 15 years ago.  As a woman, its usually shoes or clothes that are our weakness, well, I can tell you, books are mine!  I want a huge library in my home one day, not in my garage (as it is now)!  I want a library, fully equipped with a rolling ladder!  On a side note, I realize there are a lot of people into those e-books, but to me there is nothing like having a book in your hands in which you can highlight quotes, scribble in the margins, earmark the pages, etc., because nothing compares!! 

As I read the pages of "Love Does" it was as if someone wrote my heart on those pages!  He said things, I'd only thought!  The entire book resonated in my heart and set my heart ablaze!  Forget a little spark people, this was a fire!!  It was as if someone took a tank of gas and doused the small burning embers of my heart!  This fire lit up my heart, my mind, my senses, and ultimately my entire world!  I saw things clearly!  I took a few months away from everything and everyone to get my heart and mind on the same page and then upon my re-engagement I gave my church my thirty day notice of my departure!  Yes, I left my church!  I sought out Pastor's Ted and Marie Morgan and asked them to be my covering because I needed to have leadership I could bounce things off of, and cover me in prayer, and support me!  I'm called to the world - a world full of hurting people!  I'm called to get my "skin in the game" of life, and to love in action!  I'm called to serve others!  You may find me in a church, or you may find me in a bar - loving people!  My agenda is simply to love!  

I've found my childlike faith again!  When I was a little girl, my favorite song was "Here Am I Lord, Send Me."  I would sing it in the shower, and on my way to school, and on my way home from school, in the valley riding my horse (I liked how it sounded in the valley - it resounded with an echo), and basically everywhere else!  As I grew older, the song was silenced, and in life I settled for a schedule instead of an adventure.  My heart has found that place of adventure again and I sing "Here am I Lord, send me." 

When you're a child, people's hearts are touched by you when all you want to do is serve Jesus.  However, when you're a grown up, and you're playing with the big kids on the playground, or what I refer to as bullies, there is a painful side to following Jesus - I'm not gonna lie!  Unfortunately its also people!  People with their big opinions, fork tongues, and false accusations...all in the name of Jesus, don't you know!  That's a whole other blog that one day...I will write!  However, I know from experience that the best way to silence your critics is to ignore the commentary!  If people want to assume the worst, then let them assume!  God knows my heart and frankly, that is all that matters!  Jesus went about the Father's business and boy, He sure had His critics!  Well, I've got mine and it's ok!  I may not be a cute little kid anymore in the eyes of people, but my heart is like that of a child, filled with faith and hope and LOVE!  I'm holding Jesus' hand and saying "Let's go" instead of asking "Where are we going?"  Who cares!  I'm with Jesus, so where ever we go is fine with me! 

I'll close with the lyrics to a song I used to sing often as a child.  Then, I didn't comprehend all that I do now...but it is refreshing to know I'm hand in hand with the one I asked to take my hand at the tender age of 7. 

My Father Planned It All

  

What tho' the way be lonely

And dark the shadows fall;

I know where'er it leadeth,

My Father planned it all.

There may be sunshine tomorrow,

Shadows may break and flee;

'Twill be the way He chooses,

The Father's plan for me.

He guides my falt'ring footsteps

Along the weary way,

For well He knows the pathway

Will lead to endless day.

A day of light and gladness

On which no shade will fall;

'Tis this at last awaits me -

My Father planned it all.

Chorus

I sing thru the shade and the sunshine,

I'll trust Him whatever befall;

I sing for I cannot be silent -

My Father planned it all.

P.S.  An addition to my "Caper", my best friend Sameer and I are having lunch/dinner with Bob Goff in February!  I get to connect with the man who penned his heart on the pages of "Love Does!"  Isn't that just like God giving His children above and beyond what they ever thought possible!

Living the Adventure,

TDahl