I'm beginning to believe that I can almost call myself an expert in the area of life transitions, yet, I'm finding that I have so much to learn still...sigh! For myself, and my particular personality bent, it is very difficult for me to let go of things in my life, to embrace the new things God is calling me toward. I will rationalize and make excuses, even for others, to stay in my organized and structured world....because of fear! About a year ago, God confronted me about an area I was walking in fear in, and had been nearly all my life! He said plain and simple, "Tammy, you'll never accomplish what I've called you to do if you keep holding yourself back." UGH....I so did not want to hear that! He began to take me on a journey that was really painful to confront! Really painful!!
I compare it to my relationship with the ocean. We have a love hate relationship actually. I find it beautiful to look at as well as listen to. I'll even step out and get my toes wet, then maybe I'll go ankle deep, but no deeper than the knees, because this girl wants to see the bottom and everything around me! It's quite humorous actually. God created me and I think He laughs as He watches my baby steps. God knows however, what it takes for me to make serious life changing decisions and so, He begins to stir in my heart, what I refer to as, "divine discontent." He's given me this gift, that sometimes I call a curse; and that is the gift of being unable to ignore my heart! That makes for a very painful journey at times, but it also yields the fruit of an authentic life journey. See, God wants to take us to the deep waters! The unknown!
When life transition moves into your world, and in my case, from all angles - family, church, work, you find out quickly what God has equipped you with on the inside! You also find out the areas of your heart that are led by fear and which areas are led by faith! And, finally, when you choose to take action, you find out who is really standing WITH you. It can be very painful, but it is also very rewarding! It's a double edged sword really. I'm reminded of a sermon TD Jakes preached entitled, "Comrades, Confidants, and Constituents." YouTube it, take notes, and save it in your favorites to revisit often! My dear friend Mandy and I had a recent conversation about this sermon; can I just say I love that girl! I've been struggling with engaging in a particular arena for quite some time. She confronted me about it around the same time God did (imagine that). Well, recently when I made a huge life decision, and began embracing what God has built me to do on a whole other level, she came to me, looked me in the eye, held my hand, and said, "Tammy, I am with you! You don't have to worry about stepping on my toes, or holding yourself back, because I am with YOU!" I can't tell you what that did to my heart, it's absolutely unexplainable in words. She knows me well enough to know that I will hold myself back, to accommodate another.
I'm one of those people that tries to take into account every person's heart. I almost have to be forced to take my own heart into account. Some may call that a weakness, I however would like to refer to it as a strength (I think I'm in denial - LOL). In all seriousness though, I would like to refer to it as compassion. Compassion is definitely something this heart of mine is equipped with because of my life experiences. The bible refers to it as "one who is forgiven much, loves much!" This girl has been forgiven of much throughout this life. I think there is a point though that this characteristic can become a crutch because I can't solve another person's insecurities. Only God is equipped for that job! I've recently discovered that many times throughout my journey in life, I will hide my lamp under a bushel so to speak, so that another won't feel insecure or intimidated...and people that is just not healthy!!! Well, God is setting me free from that! I'm a work in progress and I have 3 best friends that are stuck to me like glue holding me accountable when they see me begin to do that! I'm doing heart work in this area, and I've seen this particular characteristic in my life since I was a little girl! I haven't wanted to look at it for what it really is, but I'm facing it head on! What I won't become, is arrogant, because God's gifted me with a compassion that will never go away! You don't forget the kind of roads I've traveled and you sure don't forget those who God sent along the way to mine the treasures in you!
So I leave you with this thought - one that has resonated with me for years, but now has come alive in my heart, like a fire!!! It's a quote by Marianne Williamson:
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, "Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?" Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
Now go and shine bright - free from fear!!
TDahl
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