Make Others Shine

     I would be lying if I didn't say that the gift of music, specifically vocally, that God has given me, has been both a blessing and many times felt like a curse.  Let me explain...

I honestly think I've been singing from the time I exited my mother's womb.  My family has often told me stories of my childhood in which I was much to young to have any memory of, how I would sing everywhere I went.  I wasn't embarrassed, although I would embarrass my sister at times (I still do that, because I can).  While I have a gift of song, I do everything musically, solely by ear.  I can play piano, albeit I'm very rusty, however, I cannot read one note!  Even after taking piano lessons for 5 years as a child!  Talk about frustrating.  Why I have a mental block in this area, who knows.  What I can tell you is that I feel music with my heart, on a level few people understand.  Music moves me!  When I do sing, it comes from my heart, and the gift of voice God has given me, touches people.  I know this whole heartedly and it is incredibly humbling.  

Why has it been a curse you ask...

Well, because others throughout my entire life have made it a "competition" or a "comparison."  Can I just be real here?  I hate anything that is competitive.  Like ANYTHING!  I became very aware of dislike of competition at a young age.  In 8th grade another girl and I were trying out for the same part for the song "The Lone Wild Bird."  The choir teacher had a vision for what she wanted and it came down to myself and this other girl, Nicole (I remember her last name btw).  I sang the part and then the choir teacher had her sing the part.  I absolutely LOVED her vocals for the part.  Her voice was so strong and bold.  It was beautiful.  I appreciated every single moment of her try out.  She was indeed a songstress.  After she was done, she turned and looked at me and gave me a look that was so arrogant, as if to say "I so crushed you, on this one!"  I was mortified.  She got the part, because this part was clearly made for her, however my joy for her getting the part, quickly dissipated and became this awful disappointment in her, because of her haughtiness and arrogance.  Those attitudes literally make me nauseated.  These are the kind of things that I've experienced my entire life!  Now do you understand.  I also hate comparison.  One of my huge pet peeves is when someone brings up the comparison factor and says "you sing it better than the artist."  I would hope that when people cover another artists songs, they're not attempting to one up that artist.  Do people really do that?  All this to say, I enjoy the gift God has given me, and I enjoy the gifts that God has given his other kids as well, however sometimes all of His kids don't play well on the the same playground.  With my personality, I just bow out and say "peace!"  I'm good!!  I'm not interested whatsoever.  It makes me so uncomfortable.  While I'm talking about pet peeves...church people this is for you...don't tell a worship leader they sing something better than another worship leader!  Stop it!!!  That is so awkward!!!  What are we supposed to say to that? The gift of song is to be treasured.  I may sing something that touches one heart, and another person may sing something that touches another heart.  A heart that may not have been open to one, may be open to another.  Don't discount God's super, on the natural, gift!   

My best friend Mandy and I, when we sing together, its literally like 2 birds in flight.  Have you ever seen 2 birds flying side by side and they each turn, and swoop, and fly higher, and dive, together, in unison?  It's so beautiful to watch.  We make each other shine for the glory of God.  Which leads me to share one of the most beautiful experiences I've ever had musically.  In my fifty-one years on this planet, I experienced something that has brought tears to my eyes every time I think about it.  

It happened on this past Christmas Eve.  I've been singing "Oh Holy Night" in front of audiences since I was 8 years old.  It is my favorite Christmas song!  I was leading this song for our Christmas Eve services at my church, however the version of the song was much different than what I had been singing for over forty years.  That's a long time!  I have a serious love/hate relationship with in ear monitors and the metronome (the click) in my ear for timing.  Not to mention a whole different version of this song.  I was overwhelmed.  In practice, I couldn't get it right.  I was stressing because I know how important Christmas Eve is and I didn't want to disappoint my team.  I wanted someone else to lead it because I would rather it be right.  I was really struggling.  Cherish, our worship leader, said to me "we've got you!"  Another one of our team, Rachel said, "do you want me to sing it with you?"  I said, "that would be great!".   Then, our drummer/music director, Jared, said "Tammy, do you want me to sing it with you?"  As the music director/band leader, the team can hear him in our in ear monitors while we sing/play.  I jumped at that and said, "that would be amazing!"  Guess what?  I nailed the song!!!  Why?  Because my team made me shine!!!  No one knew what was happening in those in ear monitors, they only heard me!  There was never a question of someone else leading the song because I couldn't get it right.  My team literally rallied around me and made me shine!!!  They weren't stressing out.  They weren't looking for credit as to why it turned out so well.  They simply showed up in a way to help me stand on their shoulders to deliver that song with ease and confidence, straight from my heart.  

This is how its supposed to be!  This is how God wants his children to live.  Looking for the opportunities to make others shine!!  God wants each and every one of us to shine!  Shine bright for Him in all you do!!  

That was the true Light, which lighteth every man that cometh into the world. John 1:9

No man, when he hath lighted a candle, covereth it with a vessel, or putteth it under a bed; but setteth it on a candlestick, that they which enter in may see the light.  Luke 8:16

In His Grip, Grace, and Strength,

Tammy L. Dahl

 

"It's Heavy"

We are in unprecedented times.  Covid-19 has stopped the world in its tracks, literally!  Fear of the unknown is touching the entire globe and affecting the rich, poor, young, and old, in every race, color, and creed.  We all share common ground in experiencing a global pandemic. 

What I'm about to share is specifically for Pastors.  Daddy God dropped this in my heart early this morning as I was getting ready for work and I've been eager to share this all day.  

Let me begin...

A few weeks ago I was texting with a pastor friend of mine.  I felt prompted to be a voice of encouragement in this season.  This pastor shared with me that this season "is heavy".  I've pondered that statement on multiple occasions over the last few weeks.  I wanted Daddy God to tell me how I could make the load lighter, not just for this pastor, but for pastors in general.  He just told me to continue to be a voice of encouragement, as "His Shepherds" need it in this time.  The scripture in Jeremiah 3:15 KJV says "And I will give you pastors according to mine heart, which shall feed you with knowledge and understanding."  In Acts 20:28 AMP it says to "Take care and be on guard for yourselves and the whole flock over which Holy Spirit has appointed you bishops and guardians, to shepherd [tend and feed and guide] the church of the Lord which He obtained for Himself [buying it and saving it for Himself] with His own blood".  Pastors are God's Shepherds!  What can we do as their "Flock"?

Let's first look at why this season is heavy...

Plain and simple....Pastors love people!  Those who have been entrusted by God to their care, those they personally shepherd, are their extended family. 

Think of the responsibility we both have and feel for our own families, and then imagine how a pastor must feel in this season.  That's heavy!  

Second...

Pastors know the importance of community and the sustenance community provides.  Hebrews 10:25 tells us clearly not to forsake the assembling of ourselves together, as believers.  It is necessary for life!  

This "Social Distancing" order is proving the need we have of each other, and of community!  I believe a lot of relational priorities will change on the other side of this.

Pastors have had to get incredibly creative and think outside the box to ensure they are connecting with their people.  While all this technology is wonderful, something very big is missing.  Pastors are called to "watch over" their flock.  Can you imagine how difficult that is via social media?  When you're in the presence of someone, you can recognize when someone is not doing well. Pastors are not with their people right now and I can you assure you, they are worried about us!  I know, we're not supposed to worry, but we all do!  The fact is, you're part of your pastors family!  You are part of their hearts and they want to not only know you're well, but ensure that you are to the best of their ability.

Finally your pastor may have a platform, but they are often unseen.  What I mean by that is pastors would rather struggle personally and share after they've overcome, than to share in the midst of their struggle for fear they may burden you.  They have struggles.  They get discouraged.  They feel like they are failing at times. They feel lost at times.  We look to our pastors for direction and guidance.  We look to them for encouragement and leadership, and the list goes on. In the midst of this pandemic, we're all in a place we've never been before.  We need to lean on each other!   

Can I challenge you today?  

Begin to pray that God will show you ways that you can encourage your pastor in this season.  Sometimes they need our faith and strength for the journey too.  

Daddy God, 

I want to thank you for those you've called to be our shepherds here.  Thank you for giving them supernatural eyes to see and ears to hear. Show us how to pray for them and encourage them, not only in this season, but in seasons to come. Give them grace, your ability, to cast their burden on You Father to lighten the load, because God, its heavy! 

In Jesus' Name

Amen

Much love to all of my pastors!  Thank you for what you do!!!!

In His Grip, Grace, and Strength,

TDahl

    

In the Presence of a Father

It is no secret for those who know me, that the majority of my life, my father was absent.  My parents divorced when I was 2 years old, and at the age of 7, my biological father gave me up for adoption to my step-father.  Daddy God was incredibly faithful in that He surrounded me with "spiritual" fathers. I've been incredibly blessed in that department.  Most of my spiritual fathers have been pastors, which I find extremely interesting.  However, today, I'm not going to write about my spiritual fathers. I'm going to write about my Father-In-Law, Donald Bolin.  

I met my future Father-In-Law on October 10th, 2013.  My husband and I had been dating since the end of August, and Dad was coming down to spend time with Jeff....and to meet me.  I was so nervous!  I knew that my Mom already approved of my relationship with Jeff, and so the next part for me was to get the approval of Jeff's Dad.  When I met Dad Bolin, it was just easy!!!  I got all nervous and worked up for absolutely nothing.  Dad is never in the presence of a stranger for long.  During his visit, Dad and I had coffee together every morning, studied the Bible together, and had LONG talks. We just connected!!  Little did I know at that time, the plan God had for Dad and I's relationship.

As my relationship with Jeff became more serious (honestly, I think it was serious from day one), my relationship with Dad Bolin grew.  I can't explain how all the pieces came together so quickly for Jeff and I. All I can explain is it was clearly God appointed and divinely directed!!  One day, I will write about that journey in depth.  

Jeff and I got engaged on April 12th of 2014.  We were going to wait 2 years to get married because his daughter was still in school and he wanted to remain at his residence until she graduated.  God had other plans.  My biological father had been ill for several years, and he could not travel.  My Mom's COPD had progressively gotten worse, that the distance for her to walk me down the grass path at my wedding ceremony, would have been too far.  I asked Dad Bolin to walk me down the aisle and give me away.  He said "I would be honored, baby!"  Jeff and I were married on July 31st that year, and to have Dad give me away, along with my Mom, was one of the biggest highlights of my life.  

Shortly after Jeff and I got married, my Mom was diagnosed with colon cancer.  While they were able to surgically remove the cancer, my little Mama didn't bounce back as she had before.  She lost some of her get up and go.  Her COPD was worsening as well, and this was the crux of most of her health issues.  She was a fighter though!  In July of 2016, Mama caught a cold, and didn't go to the doctor in time so we ended up going through a huge trial - and long story short, my little Mama had an emergency Endotracheal Intubation performed in our driveway, to save her life. After a long hospital stay, and 6 weeks in a rehab facility, Mama was able to come home.  Due to my being laid off of work, from a bank merger, I was able to have 2 months at home with her prior to starting my new job. Those two months were amazing.  It was during this time that Daddy came for a visit again and so it was a huge blessing to have him here with us,  The laughter that fills this house when the Bolin clan are together is absolutely the best!  It was good medicine for Mama!  Laughter is the best medicine!  I knew we were on borrowed time with Mama.  I didn't know how long we had left, but I was going to make the best of the time we had.

Dad Bolin and My Little Mama

Dad makes a trip to Florida a few times a year to be with us and we enjoy every moment we get with him.  This last trip however, was one for the books!!  Literally!  Little did we know what would transpire when he came for this last visit.  Shortly after Daddy arrived, my Mama ended up in the hospital again.  She had gone to the doctor to get antibiotics for a cold that was starting, but when she went for her follow up visit prior to the weekend, her doctor wanted her admitted.  This started the final leg of her journey.  She ended up on high flow oxygen, 35 liters to be exact.  In order for her to come home she needed to be at 5 liters or under.  All she wanted to do was come home and be able to sit at the dinner table with the family to experience our dinner table conversation and laughter that transpires every night!  We experienced a miracle!!!  With the help of a powerful drug to attack a fungus she had gotten in her lungs, and a lot of prayer, she was able to come home after 3 days.  The day I got her home, the first thing I did was get her in the bathtub.  Little did I know it would be the last bath I would ever give her.  By that evening, gout had set in both of her little feet. 

It was during this week that I experienced a father, in a physical presence, for the first time in my life!

I was working, and knew I didn't qualify for FMLA as I haven't been employed for this new company over 12 months. My little Mama needed help and Dad Bolin was the support system that Daddy God, hand picked, just for us!!!  Mom, couldn't sleep in the brand new bed we had just gotten her.  We had purchased an adjustable bed to make it easier for her to breathe.  She just couldn't get comfortable. She tried for about about 2 nights, unsuccessfully.  I had put a bell on her bed for her to ring when she needed to go to the bathroom, so that I would wake up.  I would get up in the middle of the night to help her.  It wasn't just a 5 minute ordeal, it was a 30 minute process with her debilitating gout.  I was becoming exhausted.  

Prior to Mama coming home, we had also purchased a power recliner for her.  It was easier for her to just hit a button to recline, rather than exhaust herself trying to pull a lever.  Mom thought she would try to sleep in that, rather than her bed, because she was just having the hardest time.  Daddy and I began to take shifts at night - and not because I asked!  He just jumped right in to help me.  He would get up with Mom and take her to the bathroom so I could sleep through the night.  He would sit with her through the day and care for her as well.  He would hold her little hand, kiss her little head and was just there for her, making her feel comfortable.  My Mama was very independent and she did not like asking for help, but Daddy made her feel OK through this time of "needing" help.  

By the following weekend of Mama coming home from the hospital, I talked her into going back so she could get the help she needed to breathe.  The struggle was too much and to see her suffer was beyond what I could take.  She agreed to go, but not without resistance.  I knew in my heart, Mama wasn't coming home this time!  Upon our arrival to the ER, and with the help of a close friend of mine, Mom chose to go to Hospice.  They kept her in the hospital until her sister, Rosemary could arrive on Tuesday and then transported her.  We were going to bring her home with Hospice, but because of the complexity of her case, they suggested we go to the Hospice house.  She agreed!  That was the most important!  I was going to do whatever Mama wanted and so that eased my heart and mind when she was on board.  

On April 1st, my Mama made her move to heaven and I felt lost!!!  Daddy was there, helping me through the process, making me laugh, crying with me, holding me, loving me, and just simply being there.  He gave me advice, and wisdom on how to cope.  He told me what to expect emotionally over the ensuing months.  He was just there!!!!!  He was just what I needed!!!  Daddy God had been preparing the way for me....perfectly!!!!  

My husband was a huge support in all of this as well, and I by no means, want to diminish his support, love, and companionship.  I know exactly where my husband gets his servant's heart and compassionate spirit from.  The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, believe me!!!  However, there is just something about a father's presence that brings such a stability to ones heart.  I had never experienced that in my life, until now.  The almost 3 months that Daddy was here, was one of the greatest gifts that Daddy God has given me.  Dad Bolin is one of the most caring, compassionate, strong, loving, and genuine men I have ever known!!! He has become the hero of my heart!  Like Daddy's should be to their little girls!!!   His presence in my life has met one of the greatest needs of my heart....the presence of a father!!!     

Rock Your Story,

TDahl 

Mr. "C" and the Power of Believe

As I sit here this morning at my dining room table, my heart is full.  During the Christmas season we tend to hear stories about "belief" more so than any other.  This is after all the season of "wonder!" The story of Jesus' birth is my favorite of this season!  Then there is Santa Clause, and Elf on the Shelf (which by the way I never heard of until my dear friend and pastor, Jill did this with her kids - yes I lived under a rock).   Then of course our eyes see so much beauty during this season that we can't help but believe...in something and someone bigger than ourselves.  Today, I don't want to talk about this part of "believe" however.  I want to talk about the real power of "believe!"  Take a journey with me.....

A long, long, time ago there was a man named Mr. "C."  Mr. "C." was a good man, a hard working man, and a man that set a standard from what I've been told.  He was serious about business and had an expectation from his employees.  He based that expectation on his own work ethic!  In other words, if he expected something from you, he had already set that example personally.  He formed a good friendship with one of the men who worked for him who's son needed a job.  Mr. "C" gave that boy a job and said "Son, your dad got this job for you, but he can't keep it for you!"  This man's son was a rebellious, wild child, but had a good work ethic.  Mr. "C" taught that boy a lot!  

Several years passed by and this boy had become a man.  He still worked for Mr. "C," but he had gotten into some pretty big trouble from making really bad choices outside of work.  The kinds of choices that change how people feel about you.  One opinion it didn't change is how Mr. "C" felt about him.  The difference with Mr. "C" is that he really had invested in this young man and saw potential in him.  He "believed" in him.  He was able to see beyond the choices this young man had made.  He believed in him so much that he bailed him out of jail!  Mr. "C" told this young man, "Son, you can work off this bail money by working Saturday's until you pay it off!"  The young man was so grateful and did just that!  

Another several years passed by and this young man decided to leave his job.  Mr. "C" didn't want him to go, but the man left anyway.  A few years later the young man got into some pretty serious trouble again.  He had just lost his brother in a fire and went off the deep end.  Mr. "C" sent word that he wanted him to come back.  The young man landed himself in jail again and Mr. "C" was going to bail him out.  The young man said, "No, I'm going to serve my time so I can get this over with!"  Mr. "C" told him his job would be waiting for him when he was done.  

When the man got out of jail, he and Mr. "C" had a talk.  He made a promise that day to Mr. "C" that he would keep his life together.  This man had lost everything....even his home.  He had been living from place to place, and was even on the run from the law for over a year before he turned himself in. This man had hit the bottom.  When he returned to work for Mr. "C" it was as if nothing had happened.  That is what I call "the power of believe!"

Today Mr. "C" is in heaven and this man still works for him!  Mr. "C's" kids own and operate his business, and you know what?  His kids are just like him!   I'm privy to the stories of Mr. "C" because the man who experienced the power of believe in his life is my husband.  While I never got to meet Mr. "C" on this side of heaven, I can assure you that will be my first request when I get to heaven.  I want to meet Mr. "C" and tell him thank you!  

Never under estimate the power of believe!  This is what changes lives from the inside out!

Rock Your Story,

TDahl

Grace Ridge

I was going to wait to actually post a blog about my upcoming life transition, but I just can't!!  I'm too over the moon, excited for this current "chapter" of my story that is well under way.  So here goes...

When I met my husband in 2013, little did I know what God had planned for us.  I was just about to enter the season of life of "empty nest" as my daughter had graduated high school and she was on her way out the door to spread her wings and fly (that's another story...aye yi yi).  I had been believing God for years for a husband, but there was absolutely nothing on the horizon....until that day his big truck rolled up at my bestie's birthday party!  I was sunk, he was sunk....and everyone that attended her party, speculated it as well.  I love our story!!!

Jeff and I knew pretty knew early on that we had met "the one," in each other.  While I'd like to say that it was one big perfect whirlwind romance, that is not the case.  We had major obstacles to overcome.  Not with each other, but with the season of life each of us were in.  He had nearly 3 years before his daughter was grown, and I had passed that season.  There was a lot of chaos in trying to create a life together.  We originally were going to wait to get married because of all the drama llama going on, but we decided otherwise and just lived apart for the first year of our marriage.  We wanted to keep things stable for his daughter, but at the same time begin the process of building our lives together.  It was a tough season to say the least, but God graced us to get through and in the process it built a strength in Jeff and I, as a married couple.  What was intended to drive us apart, actually brought us closer!  Daddy God knows how to make those obstacles in life we face, opportunities!  No doubt about it!!!

It was during this time we began the process of house hunting.  We knew we needed a unique property.  Now, Jeff is a very simple man.  He's not a materialistic person whatsoever.  He likes his mud trucks and mud toys.  I, on the other hand, am not simple!  While I'm far from being materialistic, I do like nice things.  A nice home is a must for me, because I like to entertain and I love to serve others.  I grew up watching my mom use our beautiful home to do the same.  It's just in me!  Jeff and I didn't want to be house poor, but at the same time, we wanted something perfect for us.  Our price and our desire....well lets just say was REALLY difficult, nearly impossible to find. We needed to find at least a 4 bedroom home with enough property to build a shop, no HOA, and a close drive to his work, and of course within a price range of "miracle!"  Easier said than done.  

About 6 months before we got married I was driving out to Clermont via the back roads.  I loved taking the back roads to his house because it reminded me of home where I grew up.  I loved the area!  Of course I would....there were absolutely no homes listed for under 300K.  Way over the budget!  As I was driving there I had this nudging in my heart to turn down this road called "Grace Ridge!"  So, I did!  As I was driving around this big loop basically, I saw this empty house with ZERO curb appeal.  The weeds and brush had grown up.  There was trash in the front yard.  BUT, I saw a HUGE 2 bay workshop behind the house.  I looked at the home, the lot, and simply closed my eyes to see the potential.  This was our house!!!!!!  I knew it!!!!  It just clicked in my spirit and I saw "us" there!  

The following Monday I went into work and looked the property address up on public record.  Sure enough the property was in foreclosure.  I began to follow the court hearings and records on this property.  We had a long, long, long way to go.  I thought to myself, this is crazy!  In the interim, Jeff brought my bestie's husband to see the property when they came to town.  So that told me he had some "hopes" about the possibility too!  

In the meantime, I still continued looking for homes.   We had been looking for nearly 2 years now. In our frustration, we even expanded our search to another area, which would be a lengthy drive for both of us.  Our needs were just too unique!  I grew tired.  I gave up.  I started again.  We found a house that we were "ok" with, but loved the property it was built on, so we made an offer.  They rejected.  We didn't pursue.  I was over it all!!!  Then, I went back to Grace Ridge.  It was STILL in the foreclosure process.  

Meanwhile back on the family front, more change had taken place.  Jeff's daughter was now residing with my mom and I.  We enrolled her in Lake Tech to complete her GED.  Jeff then moved from his home to mine.  With God's perfect plan, Jeff's son moved in to Jeff's house in Clermont, as a help to us, so that Jeff had a place to store all of his mud toys and tools (he has a small shop there), until we found a house.  We just all pulled together to make this thing work until we found what we needed.  

Then it happened.....GRACE RIDGE was listed!!!!!  Plot twist....it was insanely out of our price range!!!  I called our realtor and said "Jon, humor me for a minute!  I've been following a house that has been in foreclosure for nearly 2 years.  They've just listed it and its way out of our price range, but can we look at it?  I just want to see if its something we want to pursue IF they drop the price." Jon said "absolutely! Let's do it!"  We went to the house and spent 2 1/2 hours there.  It was EVERYTHING we needed and more.  It had God's fingerprints all over it for us!!!!  We stood on the pool deck together, and I just simply said "Daddy God, if this is for us, make it happen!  If it isn't, we'll be content where we're at!"  I watched that listing every day and then it happened....they dropped the price....significantly!!!  I was on it!!!  I called Jon and said "let's make an offer!"  We offered, they countered.  We offered again, they countered.  Then another person made an offer.  We offered.  They rejected.  Jon said he had never seen anything like this before.  Then I felt that the bank was trying to fear of loss us.  Ummmmmm news flash....don't try the "fear of loss" tactic with me.  When any kind of manipulation is present, then fear will be present.  God does not use fear!  Life tip...if fear enters your heart when it comes to gaining or losing something, let it go!  I said "Daddy God, I am not going to fear losing something because if its meant to be ours, it will be.  If this  house is ours, they will call us!"  A week later, Jon called us and said the bank wanted to work with us.  They asked if we could come up another 5K.  We did.  THEN they rejected our offer again because they wanted us to pay closing costs!  Ahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!  We almost had to laugh about it at this point.  Finally, we made our final offer, they accepted, and we're closing on our beautiful "Grace Ridge," December 11th.  

God led us to "Grace Ridge!"  I find the address absolutely perfect!!!!!  Grace translated, means God's ability!  This house is becoming ours because of God's ability.  We put Him in charge and He put the right people together and gave us incredible favor with the bank.  God's plan for our lives is not absent of obstacles, however, when you view those obstacles as opportunities for God to show up and show off, you will never be disappointed.  Miracles happen!!!

God gave Jeff a HUGE workshop (with a very nice apartment in it, so his son is going to rent the apartment).  He gave me a spare bedroom (well eventually when my daughter decides to fly the coop again - yea, she came back home recently) that has one solid wall of built in book shelves.  I've named it my "writing room!"  I've always dreamed of a room that had a built in book shelf.  He gave me a fireplace in this home as well.  The floor plan is perfect!!!  I get to redesign my 80's dated kitchen (I love redesigning kitchens by the way - I worked for a builder for nearly 4 years and that was one of my favorite parts of my job.)  And, not that I'm a pool fan, because I'm not, but I love to entertain, so we will be able to have guests over to swim and enjoy beautiful Summer nights out on the screened in pool deck.  Seriously PERFECT for us!!!

While I have so many things to be thankful for this Thanksgiving Day, I'm incredibly thankful that Daddy God has made this happen for us!  He's got us!!!  He's got you!!!  

Happy Thanksgiving!

Rock Your Story,

TDahl

Is Your Ego Causing Brokenness?

I want to preface this blog by saying two things -  every single one of us comes equipped with an ego. Ego is not bad in and of itself, but when we live unaware of our ego's, it can be destructive to both ourselves and to others.  

Ego as defined by Webster's Dictionary is egotism, conceit, and self importance.  It is also defined as one's image of oneself.  

Confidence defined is belief in oneself and one's powers or abilities; self-confidence; self-reliance; assurance.

Arrogance as defined is the offensive display of superiority or self-importance; overbearing pride.

Broken people have broken perceptions, and we are all broken people!  We see things through the lenses of our own experiences. Confident people often times are misjudged because the ones who are misjudging are insecure and have a low self worth.  I've been both!  I've been the confident one and I've been the judgmental one. I think if we are all honest, we've all been there and will be there again and again.  

"Broken people have broken perceptions, and we are all broken people!"  TDahl

It is incredibly important to be aware of oneself.  I want to become a more authentic and more vulnerable individual each and every day that I live.  I want to live in an awareness that the person sitting next to me at work, or the person I'm worshiping with at church, or where ever I am, may have tremendous insecurity and low self worth or they may be the most confident human being on the planet.  Either way, I want to live in a constant awareness of others through Romans 12:3.  

Romans 12:3 - CJB

For I am telling every single one of you, through the grace that has been given to me, not to have exaggerated ideas about your own importance.  Instead, develop a sober estimate of yourself based on the standard which God  has given to each of you, namely, trust.

Every single person on this planet has purpose!  Every single person on this planet has the ability to help another person discover their purpose AND help them live it!  It's about all of us, as Jesus followers, coming together and helping each other discover who we are in Christ, and encouraging each other to utilize our gifts and talents, and to touch others by "their" own personal design.  

We've been given this creative ability by Daddy God!  We are not commissioned to create mini versions of ourselves and "followers" of ourselves.  We are designed to look for the treasure God has placed within each person, and to partner WITH God, to make the impact in their life that will result in those individuals desiring to follow Christ with reckless abandon, living their own personal mission, designed by God.  That get's me soooo excited!!!!  There is nothing more satisfying than to see someone come alive to who they are in HIM, and to their purpose!  I seriously could jump up and down right now, just thinking about that!!!  

One of my favorite quotes in the entire world is by Marianne Williamson - 

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” 

We must be constantly aware of ourselves, in a balanced way.  We must be aware of our egos and what kind of an impact we are making.  Ego is about how we want others to see us!  It's insecurity masked as confidence.  It causes brokenness to yourself and others, because it is not authentic.  However, when we are confident in the reality of who we are in Him, and empowered by that reality, our love for others becomes supernatural, and reflects the love of God in us, more than it reflects us! 

I'll end this blog with this......I hope it challenges all of us to continually check ourselves and remain balanced and humble.

  "If something reflects us, more than it does HIM, we've got an arrogance and ego issue."                                                                                                                                                                               TDahl

Is your ego causing brokenness?

Rock Your Story!

TDahl

Your Dreams May Be the Map to Your Future

When I was a little girl, I was smitten by minister's who traveled cross country in their big RV's and 5th Wheels.  I remember so clearly how I would go to their homes on wheels and just chit chat with them.  I was 7 years old and absolutely fascinated with their way of life.  My family, was one of the families within the church who would always have these "traveling minister's" over to our home for Sunday dinner.  So, I actually got a better view into their lives, because as a chit chatty 7 year old, I would talk their ears off with my plethora of questions.  I heard a lot about Jesus in those conversations.  

After my parent's went through a divorce, we were no longer the family that served these various minister's when they visited our church.  In fact, we were ostracized from our church.  Divorce was clearly not acceptable to many of our church going "friends!"  Maybe that's part of the reason why I'm so for the "underdog" and the "rejected!"  I've experienced it time and time again in my personal journey.

I've gotten to experience some pretty amazing things throughout my forty-four years on this planet. See, Daddy God gave me these really cool gifts that I love, like singing, speaking, and writing, and he coupled that with a heart that loves to serve.  I'm what you consider a "Creative!"  I'm thankful that Daddy God saw to it that my heart has remained pliable in His care.  There was a season of my life that my heart hardened and became numb, many years ago.  I had chosen to be part of a world in which only the strong survive, so having compassion and empathy for people was a sure way to get your heart broken and be taken advantage of in no time.  While I tried to be that strong and hard heart-ed individual, it simply was  not me, despite my efforts.  I'm thankful for that indeed!

I've always been a girl with big dreams!  In hindsight, I see how God has trained me to walk in the dreams I've carried with me since the tender age of 7.  I believe God has placed those dreams in my heart, and several of them have come to pass.  I'm already living those dreams on a small scale and have been working to live them on a larger scale because I want my life to make a difference and make an even greater impact while I'm here.  I want to leave a legacy for  others to be inspired to live the lives they were created and destined to live, despite  life circumstances.  I believe that my dreams as a young girl, were a map for my future!  They had to have been because I'm still pursuing them.  I believe I have a special purpose in this earth, and it has taken many years to cultivate the calling that is on my life.  Daddy God has been hard at work, behind the scenes, shaping me, grooming me, growing me, maturing me, and that dreadful word...pruning me!  I hate the pruning seasons.  That's when the living stuff gets cut off!  OUCH!  It is a very necessary part of growth though.  VERY necessary!!  

Pay attention to your dreams, not the whimsical, fairy tale ones (those are fun), but the ones that stick with you!  The ones that ignite something in your heart.  The ones that give your life significance and meaning. Your dreams are maps to your future!  We were all meant to touch the world in our own way.  No one else can live your purpose. In fact, I loathe when I hear ministers say "if you don't do what God has called you to do, He'll find someone else!"  NO HE WON'T!  Only you can do what YOU were created to do!  What impact do you want to make during your time here?  What legacy do you want to leave?  

Rock Your Story!

TDahl

  

When Life is not Fair

These past few weeks have presented yet another twist and turn in the journey we call life.  My husband's brother was in a motorcycle accident and was taken off of life support a week after the accident.  He was a father, a son, a brother, and a significant other.  Many also called him friend! 

"Life is not fair!"

Oh the times I've made that statement, heard that statement, and at the same time tried to understand that statement.  Life just doesn't make sense sometimes.  We have this perception that life picks and chooses who it will give tragedy and loss to, or who it will save and bless.  Throughout the years, when tragedy has occurred in the lives of people, I've even heard God blamed. 
 

As I sit back and watch an amazing family try to make sense of this tragedy and ask the question of "why," with the full knowledge that no one will even come close to answering that dreaded question, I just pray for the peace that passes our human understanding.  I believe if we're honest, that question looms over every one of our heart's right now.  In those moments when I myself question, I come back to a scripture in the Word of God that says "it rains on the just and the unjust."  In other words, we can be the most kind, loving, and all around great person or we can be the opposite.  Tragedy and loss happen to all of us!  We just don't know when, and we don't know how, but we will experience it, because it is part of the journey called life.  It doesn't make it any easier knowing that either.

In a perfect world, we would never die, and we would never experience pain or loss.  After all, that is how our Creator set it up to begin with.  He also gave us this great responsibility called "choice!"  Adam and Eve made a choice, and with that choice came great consequence, and unfortunately caused a great consequence to the human race as a whole.   However, Jesus came to redeem that choice, and for that I'm so incredibly thankful!

While this time is difficult, beyond words, I am thankful that this is not the end.  I'm thankful we have HOPE in the ONE who created us.   I'm thankful HE has us covered!  In this time of grief and loss from a human perspective, my brother-in-law lives on - both in the great memories that many have, and the fact that he is with Daddy God - perfected in all ways! 

When we try to understand "why," sometimes  the answer is really as simple as "because an accident happened."  God is not some great puppet master up in the sky causing tragedy, or assessing if we deserve to be saved, be it physically or spiritually.  No, He made a way for us through Jesus Christ.  Yes, at times we experience physical healing on this side.  I cannot answer why some and not all.  I do believe that God knows and He sees the end from the beginning.  He knows our hearts and every intricate detail of our lives.  I believe He prepared my brother-in-law for this moment!  There are things that people would call "coincidence," I however do not believe in coincidence.  I believe God has His ways of preparing us and as we move from focusing on the loss, to learning to live with loss, we see things in an even greater light.

Life is not fair through the scope of our human existence.  God, however gave us "fair" on an eternal level, through the blood of Christ!  And that my friend's is what this journey is all about. 

Whatever you may be going through today, know that God has got you.  He will make himself known to you through the things that speak to your heart.  He's very personal and if you allow Him to comfort you in those moments when life is not fair, He will show you great things and give you a peace in the midst of the storms of your life. 
 

Rock Your Story,

TDahl 



To Know Love

Love - we hear so many things about it!  We see it in the movies packaged perfectly.  We have books written in depth about it.  We go to conferences to learn about it, and the list goes on.  While I feel it is super important to gain an understanding from a healthy perspective, so you have some idea of what the experience should mirror, there is also an ideology that society has marketed, that we've been fed and led to believe.  I think more often than not, we tend to chase societies marketed version and when our experience doesn't line up (and it won't), we chuck it to the curb still in search of the ultimate "high" in love!   Now, I'm a pretty straight shooter, and I've got some things to say about "love," so buckle your seat belts and enjoy the ride!

 

My ideals about love were very skewed for many years.  Ever since I can remember, I've always lived with a fear of abandonment and rejection, because in my experience love always left.  Love, to me had never been a safe place.  So, you can probably imagine what my perfect and packaged list of all the qualities I wanted in my husband looked like.  Reflecting on my list, I think it was my safety net and my excuse to avoid love, because that person pretty much had to be "Jesus"  to win my heart.  Now, please don't misunderstand me, having a list with possibilities is not a bad thing, but you've got to be flexible too. 

 

When Jeff and I began dating, my two biggest fears were:   #1 - He was my best friends cousin and I did not want to mess up the friendship her and I share, had Jeff and I not worked out!  #2 - He was not my list!  He did not fit the mold I had detailed and outlined in my journal almost 20 years prior to meeting him.  A friend of mine, who really had no idea that I was struggling with "my list" per say, told me out of the blue one day to "chuck my list!"  That moment was a God moment for me!  I revisited my list once again and noticed that the most important quality I had noted was "his heart" and there was no mistaking that Jeff had a heart like no other.  See, I had this idea I was going to marry a minister and we were going to minister together and we were going to do all these "Jesus" things together.  Jeff doesn't even go to church!  Now, "religious" people, pipe down - I didn't say he wasn't a believer, I said he doesn't go to church!  He's not anti-church, whatsoever!  He just gets bored.  Ask my husband to sit for an hour and a half to two hours!  You better be engaging and funny to keep his attention for that long!  My husband has shown me more Jesus than 99% of the people that walk around with a billboard declaring they're Christians.  He loves people with his actions and not just his words!  He inspires me to love others!  He is my Jesus with skin on! 

 

 

 

To know love and experience the love that Jeff and I share, is what I've longed for my entire life.  He makes me feel safe and secure.  He protects me.  He looks out for me.  He loves my daughter and my mom and gives of himself for us.  He's God's man for me!!  Absolutely no doubt about it!!  We accept each other as we are and inspire each other to become better.  We have a deep mutual respect for each other and honor each other's place in our lives.  It has been more of a learning curve for me on the whole "providing" and "being taken care of" factor.  I'm a very independent woman and my best friend (his cousin) has been my biggest coach in this area.  I can't even tell you how many times I've called her and asked her how to handle Jeff doing what God created a man to do!  I've never experienced that!  I've always witnessed and experienced men "taking" from my family. 

 

I'm not quite sure why I felt so compelled to write about this particular subject today.  I just had this burning desire to write about it.  Maybe someone needs this today or some day down the road.  Maybe you struggle with a "list" (an ideology).  Maybe you struggle with "independence" instead of "interdependence."  Maybe you want "love" to look like the movies or what society has marketed to us - you know "romance, flowers, and fluff!"  Look, my husband is not romantic by nature, according to societies depiction that is, yet he's the most passionate man I've ever met when it comes to taking care of his family.  I'd much rather have that quality above fluff and stuff any day of the week.  Not that he doesn't have his romantic side, because he does and its authentic and better than any romance novel or movie, because this girl, this girl right here, knows love for the first time in her life!!  Sure, I've loved before, but not like this!  I was in love with the idea of love.  Now, I understand through experience what it is to know love!  

Tammy Dahl-Bolin

Trust, Respect, and Strong Women

Early this morning, I was slowly waking up and I felt this strong urge to write a blog on marriage.  Now, I'm no expert in marriage whatsoever!  I was a student of marriage though, for many years, and still am!!  I feel that I've learned a great deal from the example of my spiritual parents, Allen & Janice Speegle.  Recently, my husband and I attended their "Love that Lasts" marriage workshop.  Most of what they taught, I was privy to see in their marriage, over the course of twelve years.  Prior to their leadership, my former pastors, Mark and Crystal Evans also mirrored a phenomenal example of what a great marriage should and could be.  I attended marriage workshops, long before I was ever married!  I'm very thankful that God set me in the midst of those who understand what it takes to create an amazing marriage.  Now, I have the opportunity to work out the principles they've taught me, in my own marriage.  I'm incredibly grateful to Daddy God and them for their investment into my life!

 

 

 

First, I want to say, that although I'm in the "newlywed" stage, I am very well aware that marriage takes commitment, first and foremost, and it requires intention!  Intention to me, is action with a specific result in mind.  I feel many have "intentions" but rarely have "follow through!"  Intention to me is the act of following through! 

 

When Jeff and I began dating, there were specific qualities I looked for that would give me a gauge as to whether or not he was husband material.  I studied him.  I observed his actions and reactions to things.  I also did not stick my head in the sand in regards to my strengths and weaknesses.  I invested years in myself to cultivate a new mindset in regards to relationships.  I never witnessed a healthy marriage within my own family core while growing up, and my mindset about relationships early on in life, was very unhealthy.  I embraced that while working on me!  I also made it a priority in my single life, to learn about how men were wired!  What made them flourish?  What made them feel less than?  What was the main trigger of relationship breakdown?  I would ask questions and I found lots of answers throughout my years of study.  I would take myself through various scenarios in my minds eye on how I would respond to certain things in a relationship, etc., especially with the full knowledge that I am a very strong woman!  Though, I'm strong, I had full knowledge that I was not designed to wear the pants in the family, per say.  Many strong women, find it very difficult to give up, for lack of a better term, "control!"  Strong women have this ideal in their minds of how things should run!  If we are not careful, we can become "nags!"  Proverbs states (paraphrased) that "it is better to live on the corner of a rooftop than to live with a nag!"  It would break my heart if my husband ever referred to me as a nag, so I am extremely careful in my response to things, in the event I may not agree with a decision he makes. 

 

There were a few things on my so called "mate" checklist that needed to be so real for me.  First, I would have to have a great trust in him, and have a great respect for him.  The man that would even have half a chance in winning my heart would have to exhibit the character traits that would warrant trust and respect!   In following my heart, I knew it would feel safe, if he indeed possessed those qualities.  

 

Jeff obviously exhibited the qualities I needed because on July 30th we said "I do!"  I chose that man whole heartedly!  Jeff and I are both very strong individuals, yet the two of us have very tender hearts.  Do we see eye to eye on everything?  Nope!  Does that change the fact that I trust and respect that man?  Not at all!! Jeff and I communicate about everything.  We talk things out.  He has made some decisions that I do not agree with, however because he is my husband, and I both trust and respect him, I yield to his decision.  He is also very careful in making decisions that could hurt or dishonor my heart in any way.  In marriage we will not do everything right!  We are human beings.  However, if we remain fully aware that our words, actions, and decisions, can and will affect the other person, we are consciously keeping our marriage on priority status! 

 

Ladies, our men need our trust and respect!  You may say, "well, I can't respect my husband and I don't trust him because he makes bad decisions!"  My response to that is "and you don't?"  Listen, just because someone makes a bad decision or doesn't do what you would do, does not give you the right to disrespect your man!  Speak life to him!  You want to see him make better decisions?  Then encourage him!  Wives, you need to be the biggest encourager in your man's life!!!  Be the safe place he can fall!  If you want to see him change some things, then you start by being the change you want to see.  Respect is a choice! 

 

Strong women, MARRIAGE is for you!  You can be strong, but do not use your strengths in a way that it becomes a hindrance to your husband!  You may have the right answer to something, he may not, or vice-versa.  Allow your husband to be the man!  Trust his judgment!  You obviously trusted and respected him enough to say I do.  If you said "I do" not having trust and respect for him, that's on you, not him!  Take responsibility for your choice and then be honest with yourself and answer the question, is it possible for you to choose trust and respect for him and trust that the feelings will follow?  Only you can answer that question.

 

Marriage is for Strong Women!

 

TDahl

Redeemed, Restored, and Loved Fiercely

I, like every “girl” on the planet had often fantasized as a young woman, about the perfect “Fairy Tale” romance.  Little girls are taught that they are the princesses waiting for their knight in shining armor to sweep them off of their feet, romance them, and ultimately rescue them with their love, protection, and loyalty.  Every girl wants the fairy tale, but rarely do we really live what we’ve imagined.

 



 

I’ve felt for many years that I had lost the “Fairy Tale” due to my own choices and mistakes.   When I had my daughter Mikayla, I put her first!  I gave up dating to focus on raising her.   I had settled in my mind that if I didn’t meet someone when she was super little, then I would just wait it out until she was grown.  I did not want my heart to be distracted whatsoever.  I could not afford heartbreak as I felt I needed my daughter to have the best of me and never the rest of me!  I did a lot of heart work over those years of raising her.  I had realized that in my youth and early twenties, I had accepted counterfeit romances.   In my twenties I associated romance with being wined and dined.  After all, my career of choice in those early years was a life in the adult entertainment business.  Everything was externally focused.

 

My daughter Mikayla, graduated high school in May of 2013 and about 2 months prior to her graduation, I began dating again.  Wow, had I lived under a rock for nearly twenty years.  I was very cautious, and yet very naïve all at the same time.   During this dating process, I realized something about myself that was nothing less than a miracle.  I realized that I had a different heart.  This heart of mine wasn’t hard like it had been all those years back.  It was trusting and open!  Something I’ve never known.  I knew God had done extensive healing in me as I partnered with Him through all those years of singleness.  God had to literally recreate a new heart within me.  The Word of God promises He will do that, but to actually realize you’re living that promise, is an incredible revelation.  I used to be as cold as ice when it came to the opposite sex.  I had been hurt by men my entire life.  I endured sexual abuse as a young child and teenager, and then later down the road I had worked in an industry where I chose to be abused!   Needless to say, God had His work cut out for him when it came to me when I began my healing journey all those years ago.

When I met Jeff, I wasn’t looking!  They say that’s when love hits you right smack upside the head.  In fact, I had just gotten out of a 2 month dating relationship when I had met him, and jumping into another dating relationship was not on my agenda.   My best friend, Beth was in town and it was her birthday.  I had been invited over to her son and daughter-in-law’s house for her birthday party.  As I was sitting there, I heard this loud truck roll up.  I looked over at Beth and said, “Who’s that?”  She replied, “Oh, that’s just Jeff.”  As he walked up on the porch, I noticed that my heart was unexplainably drawn to him.  After hanging out that night, and later finding out that there was some serious speculation going on as to whether something would happen between the two of us, Jeff FINALLY contacted me about a month and a half later.  Our first official date was on his birthday at the end of August.  I had the time of my life!  I felt like God had literally put my life of rewind that day.  I felt the innocence of my youth again.  My youth had been stolen from me, so to feel that innocence again, especially in my heart, was incredibly profound.   It was as if I had a heart that had never been hurt before.  I choose to believe, I do!  Until now, I have never known what it felt like to be protected in love.  And that my friends, is the ultimate “fairy tale!”  I have found the one in whom my heart calls home.

  

If you’re single and reading this, be encouraged!  I challenge you to prepare yourself for the relationship you desire to have.  Use this time to grow!  Surround yourself with those whom have amazing marriages, and become a student of those relationships!  I spent many years in singleness and I wouldn’t trade those years for anything.  I had time to invest in myself, becoming the woman I needed to become to attract the relationship I desired.  Because of that investment in myself I knew exactly what I needed a man to bring to the proverbial table of a relationship, and I was prepared to receive the desires of my heart.

Living the “REAL” life fairy tale – redeemed, restored, and loved fiercely,

TDahl

The Ultimate Adventure



I think that everyone comes to a place in their lives when they are faced with the reality that not only are they going to die, but they are going to age, and the landscape of their life will change several times.  Our lives begin as an empty canvas, and in the beginning our parents are the artists who are shaping, fashioning, teaching, and molding our lives.  As we grow, and the shift takes place where we, ourselves, carry on as the artist, we are given the opportunity to choose as we desire.   Hopefully, we choose partnership with our Creator, as we begin creating our masterpiece.  Often times, that is not the case, however I still believe it is a valued part of the journey in the creating process.  As we begin to create the life we think we want, or think we desire, we find as we mature and grow, that the vision we have, is both subject to change and will change.  Many times we must do a revamp!  We finally figure out that what we choose, often changes with the varying season of our lives.  Even still, each intricate detail is an important part of our life masterpiece!     

 

One of my traditions is reflecting on my life every New Years Eve.  This past New Year's Eve I sat by a warm, crackling fire out in the country and just thought of this past year's journey.  I glanced over at the amazing man in my life, and thought to myself, this was my biggest life change over 2013.  I began thinking of how many changes I've been through over the past 2 years and thought to myself, "God has been teaching me so much about life in such a short time."  It's almost mind blowing.  I have so much more to learn, but I can say that I'm embracing the teaching process - even though at times its incredibly painful.  It's painful because it requires me to be open and vulnerable - something that is incredibly scary at times. 

As this exterior shell (our bodies) ages and changes, and we go through a series of metamorphic transformations, both inside and out, it is no question that the real substance of our being is our heart.  The cry of my heart, and really everyone's heart, is to simply be loved.  Loved for who we are deep down inside, apart from what we can offer someone.  I believe as we choose to make love our primary pursuit, over what we would like to "accomplish" in our lifetime, or the "legacy" we would like to leave, that "LOVE" becomes more evident to those around us.  When love becomes our purpose, it will draw truth, purity, and more love!  I believe as we age, and mature, the masks of our lives begin to disintegrate and we become our authentic selves.  Authenticity in and of itself involves deep transformation of ones self.  It involves us becoming so aware of not only who we are, but who we desire to be.   

 



 

Over the past few years I've come to realize that my journey of choosing to love, is also a quest that seriously ignites my heart!  I believe that love is the ultimate adventure.  It is the ultimate adventure because it requires us to live from our hearts.  I've also realized to a greater degree, that love has the power to create amazing things.  For example, love can unlock someone's dream and cause them to finally believe in themselves.  I know that happened for me in the area of music.  Love can also set someone free from living a life of condemnation.  Love overlooks the bad, seeks the good, and as a result empowers change!  If you want to see changes in your life or the lives of others?  Then in the words and teaching of Pastor Danny Silk, choose to "Keep Your Love On!"

People will let us down!  They will also hurt and betray us.  They will be self seeking and have their own agendas and love will be the furthest thing from their choices.  They will try to convince you it is love, but love is not self seeking, it does not think more highly of itself.  It is not arrogant and it is not rude.  It decreases so others can increase.  When you choose love, it will appear "most" of the time it as if you are last, and even at times forgotten.  That is painful!  Yet, in that pain you'll find that you are empowered because we still have the ability to choose love!  It's the most powerful force in the Universe, and it will literally bring about healing and change.  It is our choice!  It is the most powerful choice!  It is the most difficult choice!  However, it is the wisest choice!  We mirror our Father God when we choose love! 

Choosing Love & Empowering Others!

TDahl

Love and the Power of your Influences

Love.  Have you ever just sat and thought about it, and why you believe what you believe about it?  I have!  I've discovered throughout the years so many faulty beliefs I had about this mysterious, yet needed, part of life's journey.  I've discovered that love is really actually very simple!  What's complex is the emotional aspects that accompany love.  Read that again, and just digest that for a moment.

 

My journey to choosing love has not been an easy one by far.  In fact, as I sit here this morning and write this blog, I can honestly say that relationally, when it comes to a man, I've loved, I mean really, really loved one man my entire life...up until now.  Now, I have had guy friends that I have loved in the past and I have guy friends now that I love deeply.  In fact, my best friend on this planet, Sameer, I can tell you I love with the kind of love that would do anything to be there for him or any member of his family if he needed me.  He is one of my greatest gifts of friendship that God gave me in this life and we will grow old together, as best friends!  In addition to that, I will also love the wife God gives him, and she will become one of my dearest friends also, and I will be there for her, as I am there for him and my prayer is the same when it comes to the man in my life.

Sameer has taught me a lot about love.  As his best friend, I've been privy to his journey, just as he has been privy to mine.  We've talked a lot about "love" over the past 15 years.  What it should be, what it shouldn't be, what it should look like, what it shouldn't look like, and the list goes on.  He's been my blueprint in what I desire in a mate, and I've been his.  The number one thing I've learned by watching Sameer is about commitment!!  He is disciplined and committed when he makes a choice.  He does not let his emotions run his life.  He is solid and logical, yet listens to his heart, which is such an integral part of living life full out!  Something he and I both desire to do!!  These character traits in him have been my greatest influence in my life over the years.  Those traits have inspired me through raising a daughter, when many times I just wanted to give up because I "felt" so inadequate.  They have gotten me through hurts that my heart just wouldn't have been able to take, had it not been for learning discipline and commitment, and the list goes on.  So why am I talking about Sameer?  Well, because I think its an important place to start because had I not had his influence, I would have not been ready for the journey I'm on right now.

I think many times we overlook the power of our influence.  I can tell you that I've inspired many in the journey of "singleness."  I mean, I've been single for 18 years.  People watch me, just as they watch you.  You never know how you may be influencing someone.  Pay attention!  As I'm slowly watching my single life disappear and bring me to the next season of my life, I realize more and more that love is really a choice.  It's choosing to open yourself up to, what I believe, is the greatest risk of your life!  LOVE!  Love has the capacity to rip your world apart.  It also has the capacity to make your world the brightest place on the planet!  I think all of us can say we've been hurt when it comes to love.  After the hurt, we build walls that are nearly impenetrable.  Or, we only let someone so close and then we begin to hunker down and lock areas of our hearts so we remain somewhat safe.  Yet, we rob ourselves so much when we live in the realm of self-preservation.  Then our emotional world may take us down the path of "I don't want to love like this because one day it will be over and one of us will die, and my heart just can't go through that pain."  Oh yea, my emotions take me there too.  I've had to pause and jerk my heart back to living full out in this journey of love that I'm on because I committed to myself, that this girl is living full out!  That my friends is a choice!  I refuse to live behind walls.  I'm choosing to live beyond walls!!   

One of the love stories that has ministered greatly to me recently is that of a couple who have been together for nearly 50 years.   Her husband was diagnosed with cancer sometime ago and I've watched them battle this thing together.  Their story is beautiful and inspiring to me.  Their story influences me!  I've seen pretty amazing marriages over the course of the last decade.  I've seen great examples and I've also seen some not so great examples.  I've seen very selfish individuals in relationships.  It's actually very sad to me.  One thing I've gleaned over these years and have come to know and understand is love, when lived right, is selfless!  If you have two people "choosing" to be selfless for the other person, you've got a give - give equation.  That's how love becomes what it was intended and designed to be!

This love that I've described above is the very love that Jeff, my balancing half, as I refer to him, and I, are getting the opportunity to build right now, with each other.  He and I just seem like we've always been, but at the same time are learning each other; our likes and dislikes, what irritates us, how we should respond to each other in times of frustration, etc.  We talk about everything!  I knew that this relationship was going somewhere when he became the first one I wanted to call when something great was happening, or when something not so great was happening.  He exhibits the kind of commitment and discipline that is a must for me both in life and in a relationship.  He's a breath of fresh air to me because he knows how to have fun!  Laugh....does he make me laugh!!!  He is simple but complex, which I find incredibly exhilarating.  We can have deep, serious conversation at times and then other times we're like two kids just being silly and crazy.  I'm completely myself with him and I feel safe and secure living transparent before him.

As I continue this journey, I want to share as I go because I'm literally putting into practice all the things I've learned over the years.  I'm thankful that this journey did not happen until this time in my life because I feel like I'm at a place where I am able to really do this thing and invest my whole heart.  I'm not looking back, only forward.  With the amazing influences I've had in my life to teach and train me, I'm embracing this journey with great expectations!  I'm thankful that the years of singleness were not just spent waiting, but were spent investing in myself to learn and grow and become a whole person on my own.  Wow, when you are not seeking someone else to fill the holes in your heart, it brings the journey of love to a whole other level.  I've never experienced a human love like this, but I can tell you that its been worth the wait.  So if you're single and still "waiting" let me encourage you to invest in you, during the waiting time.  I would also encourage you to surround yourself with those who have amazing relationships and marriages!  Gleen what you can.  Ask questions, observe them, spend time with them, ask about their story.  Then begin to journal the love story you would like to live.  And for you list makers.....well, I pulled my list back out not too long ago and I found that I was using it to run away from love because it was soooooo "perfect."  I had a good friend of mine call me out on it....thank you Erica!!!  After she called me out on it, I folded up my list, talked to my friend Sameer and he encouraged me to just enjoy the journey.  That's what I did, and you know what?  It's turning out to be the best journey of my life!!  Jeff has all the character traits I desire, and at the end of the day, that's what matters!  

Enjoying the journey....

TDahl