Make Others Shine

     I would be lying if I didn't say that the gift of music, specifically vocally, that God has given me, has been both a blessing and many times felt like a curse.  Let me explain...

I honestly think I've been singing from the time I exited my mother's womb.  My family has often told me stories of my childhood in which I was much to young to have any memory of, how I would sing everywhere I went.  I wasn't embarrassed, although I would embarrass my sister at times (I still do that, because I can).  While I have a gift of song, I do everything musically, solely by ear.  I can play piano, albeit I'm very rusty, however, I cannot read one note!  Even after taking piano lessons for 5 years as a child!  Talk about frustrating.  Why I have a mental block in this area, who knows.  What I can tell you is that I feel music with my heart, on a level few people understand.  Music moves me!  When I do sing, it comes from my heart, and the gift of voice God has given me, touches people.  I know this whole heartedly and it is incredibly humbling.  

Why has it been a curse you ask...

Well, because others throughout my entire life have made it a "competition" or a "comparison."  Can I just be real here?  I hate anything that is competitive.  Like ANYTHING!  I became very aware of dislike of competition at a young age.  In 8th grade another girl and I were trying out for the same part for the song "The Lone Wild Bird."  The choir teacher had a vision for what she wanted and it came down to myself and this other girl, Nicole (I remember her last name btw).  I sang the part and then the choir teacher had her sing the part.  I absolutely LOVED her vocals for the part.  Her voice was so strong and bold.  It was beautiful.  I appreciated every single moment of her try out.  She was indeed a songstress.  After she was done, she turned and looked at me and gave me a look that was so arrogant, as if to say "I so crushed you, on this one!"  I was mortified.  She got the part, because this part was clearly made for her, however my joy for her getting the part, quickly dissipated and became this awful disappointment in her, because of her haughtiness and arrogance.  Those attitudes literally make me nauseated.  These are the kind of things that I've experienced my entire life!  Now do you understand.  I also hate comparison.  One of my huge pet peeves is when someone brings up the comparison factor and says "you sing it better than the artist."  I would hope that when people cover another artists songs, they're not attempting to one up that artist.  Do people really do that?  All this to say, I enjoy the gift God has given me, and I enjoy the gifts that God has given his other kids as well, however sometimes all of His kids don't play well on the the same playground.  With my personality, I just bow out and say "peace!"  I'm good!!  I'm not interested whatsoever.  It makes me so uncomfortable.  While I'm talking about pet peeves...church people this is for you...don't tell a worship leader they sing something better than another worship leader!  Stop it!!!  That is so awkward!!!  What are we supposed to say to that? The gift of song is to be treasured.  I may sing something that touches one heart, and another person may sing something that touches another heart.  A heart that may not have been open to one, may be open to another.  Don't discount God's super, on the natural, gift!   

My best friend Mandy and I, when we sing together, its literally like 2 birds in flight.  Have you ever seen 2 birds flying side by side and they each turn, and swoop, and fly higher, and dive, together, in unison?  It's so beautiful to watch.  We make each other shine for the glory of God.  Which leads me to share one of the most beautiful experiences I've ever had musically.  In my fifty-one years on this planet, I experienced something that has brought tears to my eyes every time I think about it.  

It happened on this past Christmas Eve.  I've been singing "Oh Holy Night" in front of audiences since I was 8 years old.  It is my favorite Christmas song!  I was leading this song for our Christmas Eve services at my church, however the version of the song was much different than what I had been singing for over forty years.  That's a long time!  I have a serious love/hate relationship with in ear monitors and the metronome (the click) in my ear for timing.  Not to mention a whole different version of this song.  I was overwhelmed.  In practice, I couldn't get it right.  I was stressing because I know how important Christmas Eve is and I didn't want to disappoint my team.  I wanted someone else to lead it because I would rather it be right.  I was really struggling.  Cherish, our worship leader, said to me "we've got you!"  Another one of our team, Rachel said, "do you want me to sing it with you?"  I said, "that would be great!".   Then, our drummer/music director, Jared, said "Tammy, do you want me to sing it with you?"  As the music director/band leader, the team can hear him in our in ear monitors while we sing/play.  I jumped at that and said, "that would be amazing!"  Guess what?  I nailed the song!!!  Why?  Because my team made me shine!!!  No one knew what was happening in those in ear monitors, they only heard me!  There was never a question of someone else leading the song because I couldn't get it right.  My team literally rallied around me and made me shine!!!  They weren't stressing out.  They weren't looking for credit as to why it turned out so well.  They simply showed up in a way to help me stand on their shoulders to deliver that song with ease and confidence, straight from my heart.  

This is how its supposed to be!  This is how God wants his children to live.  Looking for the opportunities to make others shine!!  God wants each and every one of us to shine!  Shine bright for Him in all you do!!  

That was the true Light, which lighteth every man that cometh into the world. John 1:9

No man, when he hath lighted a candle, covereth it with a vessel, or putteth it under a bed; but setteth it on a candlestick, that they which enter in may see the light.  Luke 8:16

In His Grip, Grace, and Strength,

Tammy L. Dahl

 

Mr. "C" and the Power of Believe

As I sit here this morning at my dining room table, my heart is full.  During the Christmas season we tend to hear stories about "belief" more so than any other.  This is after all the season of "wonder!" The story of Jesus' birth is my favorite of this season!  Then there is Santa Clause, and Elf on the Shelf (which by the way I never heard of until my dear friend and pastor, Jill did this with her kids - yes I lived under a rock).   Then of course our eyes see so much beauty during this season that we can't help but believe...in something and someone bigger than ourselves.  Today, I don't want to talk about this part of "believe" however.  I want to talk about the real power of "believe!"  Take a journey with me.....

A long, long, time ago there was a man named Mr. "C."  Mr. "C." was a good man, a hard working man, and a man that set a standard from what I've been told.  He was serious about business and had an expectation from his employees.  He based that expectation on his own work ethic!  In other words, if he expected something from you, he had already set that example personally.  He formed a good friendship with one of the men who worked for him who's son needed a job.  Mr. "C" gave that boy a job and said "Son, your dad got this job for you, but he can't keep it for you!"  This man's son was a rebellious, wild child, but had a good work ethic.  Mr. "C" taught that boy a lot!  

Several years passed by and this boy had become a man.  He still worked for Mr. "C," but he had gotten into some pretty big trouble from making really bad choices outside of work.  The kinds of choices that change how people feel about you.  One opinion it didn't change is how Mr. "C" felt about him.  The difference with Mr. "C" is that he really had invested in this young man and saw potential in him.  He "believed" in him.  He was able to see beyond the choices this young man had made.  He believed in him so much that he bailed him out of jail!  Mr. "C" told this young man, "Son, you can work off this bail money by working Saturday's until you pay it off!"  The young man was so grateful and did just that!  

Another several years passed by and this young man decided to leave his job.  Mr. "C" didn't want him to go, but the man left anyway.  A few years later the young man got into some pretty serious trouble again.  He had just lost his brother in a fire and went off the deep end.  Mr. "C" sent word that he wanted him to come back.  The young man landed himself in jail again and Mr. "C" was going to bail him out.  The young man said, "No, I'm going to serve my time so I can get this over with!"  Mr. "C" told him his job would be waiting for him when he was done.  

When the man got out of jail, he and Mr. "C" had a talk.  He made a promise that day to Mr. "C" that he would keep his life together.  This man had lost everything....even his home.  He had been living from place to place, and was even on the run from the law for over a year before he turned himself in. This man had hit the bottom.  When he returned to work for Mr. "C" it was as if nothing had happened.  That is what I call "the power of believe!"

Today Mr. "C" is in heaven and this man still works for him!  Mr. "C's" kids own and operate his business, and you know what?  His kids are just like him!   I'm privy to the stories of Mr. "C" because the man who experienced the power of believe in his life is my husband.  While I never got to meet Mr. "C" on this side of heaven, I can assure you that will be my first request when I get to heaven.  I want to meet Mr. "C" and tell him thank you!  

Never under estimate the power of believe!  This is what changes lives from the inside out!

Rock Your Story,

TDahl

To Know Love

Love - we hear so many things about it!  We see it in the movies packaged perfectly.  We have books written in depth about it.  We go to conferences to learn about it, and the list goes on.  While I feel it is super important to gain an understanding from a healthy perspective, so you have some idea of what the experience should mirror, there is also an ideology that society has marketed, that we've been fed and led to believe.  I think more often than not, we tend to chase societies marketed version and when our experience doesn't line up (and it won't), we chuck it to the curb still in search of the ultimate "high" in love!   Now, I'm a pretty straight shooter, and I've got some things to say about "love," so buckle your seat belts and enjoy the ride!

 

My ideals about love were very skewed for many years.  Ever since I can remember, I've always lived with a fear of abandonment and rejection, because in my experience love always left.  Love, to me had never been a safe place.  So, you can probably imagine what my perfect and packaged list of all the qualities I wanted in my husband looked like.  Reflecting on my list, I think it was my safety net and my excuse to avoid love, because that person pretty much had to be "Jesus"  to win my heart.  Now, please don't misunderstand me, having a list with possibilities is not a bad thing, but you've got to be flexible too. 

 

When Jeff and I began dating, my two biggest fears were:   #1 - He was my best friends cousin and I did not want to mess up the friendship her and I share, had Jeff and I not worked out!  #2 - He was not my list!  He did not fit the mold I had detailed and outlined in my journal almost 20 years prior to meeting him.  A friend of mine, who really had no idea that I was struggling with "my list" per say, told me out of the blue one day to "chuck my list!"  That moment was a God moment for me!  I revisited my list once again and noticed that the most important quality I had noted was "his heart" and there was no mistaking that Jeff had a heart like no other.  See, I had this idea I was going to marry a minister and we were going to minister together and we were going to do all these "Jesus" things together.  Jeff doesn't even go to church!  Now, "religious" people, pipe down - I didn't say he wasn't a believer, I said he doesn't go to church!  He's not anti-church, whatsoever!  He just gets bored.  Ask my husband to sit for an hour and a half to two hours!  You better be engaging and funny to keep his attention for that long!  My husband has shown me more Jesus than 99% of the people that walk around with a billboard declaring they're Christians.  He loves people with his actions and not just his words!  He inspires me to love others!  He is my Jesus with skin on! 

 

 

 

To know love and experience the love that Jeff and I share, is what I've longed for my entire life.  He makes me feel safe and secure.  He protects me.  He looks out for me.  He loves my daughter and my mom and gives of himself for us.  He's God's man for me!!  Absolutely no doubt about it!!  We accept each other as we are and inspire each other to become better.  We have a deep mutual respect for each other and honor each other's place in our lives.  It has been more of a learning curve for me on the whole "providing" and "being taken care of" factor.  I'm a very independent woman and my best friend (his cousin) has been my biggest coach in this area.  I can't even tell you how many times I've called her and asked her how to handle Jeff doing what God created a man to do!  I've never experienced that!  I've always witnessed and experienced men "taking" from my family. 

 

I'm not quite sure why I felt so compelled to write about this particular subject today.  I just had this burning desire to write about it.  Maybe someone needs this today or some day down the road.  Maybe you struggle with a "list" (an ideology).  Maybe you struggle with "independence" instead of "interdependence."  Maybe you want "love" to look like the movies or what society has marketed to us - you know "romance, flowers, and fluff!"  Look, my husband is not romantic by nature, according to societies depiction that is, yet he's the most passionate man I've ever met when it comes to taking care of his family.  I'd much rather have that quality above fluff and stuff any day of the week.  Not that he doesn't have his romantic side, because he does and its authentic and better than any romance novel or movie, because this girl, this girl right here, knows love for the first time in her life!!  Sure, I've loved before, but not like this!  I was in love with the idea of love.  Now, I understand through experience what it is to know love!  

Tammy Dahl-Bolin

Trust, Respect, and Strong Women

Early this morning, I was slowly waking up and I felt this strong urge to write a blog on marriage.  Now, I'm no expert in marriage whatsoever!  I was a student of marriage though, for many years, and still am!!  I feel that I've learned a great deal from the example of my spiritual parents, Allen & Janice Speegle.  Recently, my husband and I attended their "Love that Lasts" marriage workshop.  Most of what they taught, I was privy to see in their marriage, over the course of twelve years.  Prior to their leadership, my former pastors, Mark and Crystal Evans also mirrored a phenomenal example of what a great marriage should and could be.  I attended marriage workshops, long before I was ever married!  I'm very thankful that God set me in the midst of those who understand what it takes to create an amazing marriage.  Now, I have the opportunity to work out the principles they've taught me, in my own marriage.  I'm incredibly grateful to Daddy God and them for their investment into my life!

 

 

 

First, I want to say, that although I'm in the "newlywed" stage, I am very well aware that marriage takes commitment, first and foremost, and it requires intention!  Intention to me, is action with a specific result in mind.  I feel many have "intentions" but rarely have "follow through!"  Intention to me is the act of following through! 

 

When Jeff and I began dating, there were specific qualities I looked for that would give me a gauge as to whether or not he was husband material.  I studied him.  I observed his actions and reactions to things.  I also did not stick my head in the sand in regards to my strengths and weaknesses.  I invested years in myself to cultivate a new mindset in regards to relationships.  I never witnessed a healthy marriage within my own family core while growing up, and my mindset about relationships early on in life, was very unhealthy.  I embraced that while working on me!  I also made it a priority in my single life, to learn about how men were wired!  What made them flourish?  What made them feel less than?  What was the main trigger of relationship breakdown?  I would ask questions and I found lots of answers throughout my years of study.  I would take myself through various scenarios in my minds eye on how I would respond to certain things in a relationship, etc., especially with the full knowledge that I am a very strong woman!  Though, I'm strong, I had full knowledge that I was not designed to wear the pants in the family, per say.  Many strong women, find it very difficult to give up, for lack of a better term, "control!"  Strong women have this ideal in their minds of how things should run!  If we are not careful, we can become "nags!"  Proverbs states (paraphrased) that "it is better to live on the corner of a rooftop than to live with a nag!"  It would break my heart if my husband ever referred to me as a nag, so I am extremely careful in my response to things, in the event I may not agree with a decision he makes. 

 

There were a few things on my so called "mate" checklist that needed to be so real for me.  First, I would have to have a great trust in him, and have a great respect for him.  The man that would even have half a chance in winning my heart would have to exhibit the character traits that would warrant trust and respect!   In following my heart, I knew it would feel safe, if he indeed possessed those qualities.  

 

Jeff obviously exhibited the qualities I needed because on July 30th we said "I do!"  I chose that man whole heartedly!  Jeff and I are both very strong individuals, yet the two of us have very tender hearts.  Do we see eye to eye on everything?  Nope!  Does that change the fact that I trust and respect that man?  Not at all!! Jeff and I communicate about everything.  We talk things out.  He has made some decisions that I do not agree with, however because he is my husband, and I both trust and respect him, I yield to his decision.  He is also very careful in making decisions that could hurt or dishonor my heart in any way.  In marriage we will not do everything right!  We are human beings.  However, if we remain fully aware that our words, actions, and decisions, can and will affect the other person, we are consciously keeping our marriage on priority status! 

 

Ladies, our men need our trust and respect!  You may say, "well, I can't respect my husband and I don't trust him because he makes bad decisions!"  My response to that is "and you don't?"  Listen, just because someone makes a bad decision or doesn't do what you would do, does not give you the right to disrespect your man!  Speak life to him!  You want to see him make better decisions?  Then encourage him!  Wives, you need to be the biggest encourager in your man's life!!!  Be the safe place he can fall!  If you want to see him change some things, then you start by being the change you want to see.  Respect is a choice! 

 

Strong women, MARRIAGE is for you!  You can be strong, but do not use your strengths in a way that it becomes a hindrance to your husband!  You may have the right answer to something, he may not, or vice-versa.  Allow your husband to be the man!  Trust his judgment!  You obviously trusted and respected him enough to say I do.  If you said "I do" not having trust and respect for him, that's on you, not him!  Take responsibility for your choice and then be honest with yourself and answer the question, is it possible for you to choose trust and respect for him and trust that the feelings will follow?  Only you can answer that question.

 

Marriage is for Strong Women!

 

TDahl

Redeemed, Restored, and Loved Fiercely

I, like every “girl” on the planet had often fantasized as a young woman, about the perfect “Fairy Tale” romance.  Little girls are taught that they are the princesses waiting for their knight in shining armor to sweep them off of their feet, romance them, and ultimately rescue them with their love, protection, and loyalty.  Every girl wants the fairy tale, but rarely do we really live what we’ve imagined.

 



 

I’ve felt for many years that I had lost the “Fairy Tale” due to my own choices and mistakes.   When I had my daughter Mikayla, I put her first!  I gave up dating to focus on raising her.   I had settled in my mind that if I didn’t meet someone when she was super little, then I would just wait it out until she was grown.  I did not want my heart to be distracted whatsoever.  I could not afford heartbreak as I felt I needed my daughter to have the best of me and never the rest of me!  I did a lot of heart work over those years of raising her.  I had realized that in my youth and early twenties, I had accepted counterfeit romances.   In my twenties I associated romance with being wined and dined.  After all, my career of choice in those early years was a life in the adult entertainment business.  Everything was externally focused.

 

My daughter Mikayla, graduated high school in May of 2013 and about 2 months prior to her graduation, I began dating again.  Wow, had I lived under a rock for nearly twenty years.  I was very cautious, and yet very naïve all at the same time.   During this dating process, I realized something about myself that was nothing less than a miracle.  I realized that I had a different heart.  This heart of mine wasn’t hard like it had been all those years back.  It was trusting and open!  Something I’ve never known.  I knew God had done extensive healing in me as I partnered with Him through all those years of singleness.  God had to literally recreate a new heart within me.  The Word of God promises He will do that, but to actually realize you’re living that promise, is an incredible revelation.  I used to be as cold as ice when it came to the opposite sex.  I had been hurt by men my entire life.  I endured sexual abuse as a young child and teenager, and then later down the road I had worked in an industry where I chose to be abused!   Needless to say, God had His work cut out for him when it came to me when I began my healing journey all those years ago.

When I met Jeff, I wasn’t looking!  They say that’s when love hits you right smack upside the head.  In fact, I had just gotten out of a 2 month dating relationship when I had met him, and jumping into another dating relationship was not on my agenda.   My best friend, Beth was in town and it was her birthday.  I had been invited over to her son and daughter-in-law’s house for her birthday party.  As I was sitting there, I heard this loud truck roll up.  I looked over at Beth and said, “Who’s that?”  She replied, “Oh, that’s just Jeff.”  As he walked up on the porch, I noticed that my heart was unexplainably drawn to him.  After hanging out that night, and later finding out that there was some serious speculation going on as to whether something would happen between the two of us, Jeff FINALLY contacted me about a month and a half later.  Our first official date was on his birthday at the end of August.  I had the time of my life!  I felt like God had literally put my life of rewind that day.  I felt the innocence of my youth again.  My youth had been stolen from me, so to feel that innocence again, especially in my heart, was incredibly profound.   It was as if I had a heart that had never been hurt before.  I choose to believe, I do!  Until now, I have never known what it felt like to be protected in love.  And that my friends, is the ultimate “fairy tale!”  I have found the one in whom my heart calls home.

  

If you’re single and reading this, be encouraged!  I challenge you to prepare yourself for the relationship you desire to have.  Use this time to grow!  Surround yourself with those whom have amazing marriages, and become a student of those relationships!  I spent many years in singleness and I wouldn’t trade those years for anything.  I had time to invest in myself, becoming the woman I needed to become to attract the relationship I desired.  Because of that investment in myself I knew exactly what I needed a man to bring to the proverbial table of a relationship, and I was prepared to receive the desires of my heart.

Living the “REAL” life fairy tale – redeemed, restored, and loved fiercely,

TDahl