Taking Responsibility

This blog came as a result of a conversation with one of my dearest friends and ministry partner, Beth Bennett.  We we're on the phone yesterday morning having our traditional Saturday morning coffee together and just discussing life as we usually do, and as usual, we both were able to mine some awesome life treasures (these are life lessons to me). 

 

First let me tell you a little about my friend Beth.  She is like this breath of fresh air to me!  She's hilariously funny and has a heart like no other.  She is seriously one of my safe places to fall and literally is one of the first people I call when I'm fleshing out life lessons.  She is also one of those people in my life that will tell me straight up what I NEED to hear, not what I want to hear.  I've purposely surrounded myself with friends like this because this girl doesn't need life advice that tickles my ears.  I want people in my life that are going to challenge me to take responsibility in life!  As we shared our hearts, she confirmed some things Daddy God has been showing me.  So, here goes.... 

 

When you hear the word "responsibility" your mind may begin to associate a negative response.  When one takes responsibility for something they often times have the mindset that whatever it is they're taking responsibility for, is their fault!  Let me set the record straight!  Taking responsibility is simply acknowledging your part in a success, failure, victory, defeat, tragedy, and so forth.  It should not carry a negative association.  In fact, it should be very freeing to you! 

 

Photo Credit - Abundant Highway

 

 

Earlier this week Daddy God gave me a strong correction!  Now, when Daddy God corrects me, I do not feel like a failure, or less than!  His correction actually empowers me!  He gives me wisdom, and of course with wisdom, also a full understanding, as well as an opportunity to get it right the next time!  

 

So, with that said, those who follow my blogs or know me on a personal level, know that I entered the dating world again after about 18 years of singleness.  Can I tell you that I'm less than thrilled about it.  Trying to navigate this after so many years of being single is very difficult.  Well, believe me I'm missing the mark!! 

 

Over the course of the past few months, I decided to end my dating adventures because I needed a 21st Century download!  Wow, have I been out of the loop!  I managed to forget a very HUGE foundational principle of dating.  It's called "friendship!"  As I was sharing with Beth yesterday, it hit me like a brick.  I've been healing from what I term as a serious relationship I entered awhile back because we went from 0 to 180 overnight and I missed the mark huge!!!  I was angry at how selfish I felt this man was because I knew God had connected or I should say re-connected us and it just ended horribly.  As I've explored my part of the equation, Daddy got my heart to a place that I could receive His correction.  This is what He said...."Tammy, I didn't call you to a relationship with him, I called you to build a friendship!"  OUCH, OUCH, OUCH!!!  He continued with telling me that my expectations in a relationship are totally different than my expectations in a friendship, as they should be.  The problem was that I jumped the gun, and dove head first into a relationship without first clarifying what my role was in this connection.  Because of that, my plan, overrode God's plan, and well, it got really broken, really fast!  He was trying to be something he wasn't, to try and live up to my expectations relationally, and when it all unraveled, we cut all ties because there was no other option.  I take full responsibility for my part.  And you know what, taking that responsibility brings such a freedom to my heart!!!

 

 

Throughout my dating adventures this year, God has shown me that men are going to be attracted to the Jesus in me!  My friend Mandy told me this when another guy had been attracted to me earlier this year, and she told me again when she met this last guy.  I didn't get it at the time, but I sure get it now!!!  In hindsight, there are many things I would have done differently.  However, I cannot go back and undo what was done.  Going forward, I realize that the mantle I carry is that of restoration and with that comes a huge responsibility!!  God has given me a deep and genuine love for men!  I believe in them!!!!  I also believe that they are starving to have their God natures engaged!  I engaged the God nature of this man I dated, but because I was on a different playing field, relationship vs. friendship, it made him feel like he couldn't measure up.  That was not my intention but that was the result!  I identified with this quickly because years ago the shoe was on the other foot.  I had this godly man in my life and I was trying desperately to measure up to his expectations, and the bottom line was, I simply just wasn't there yet!      

 

One thing I know for a fact is that men have been emasculated!  Because of the emasculation that has taken place throughout generations, men have come to "think" the trough of life is comfortable.  Of course that is the furthest from the truth because nothing is required of them and that is what I believe has caused this "starvation" among our men!  It is a man's nature to be a warrior!  It is his very nature to protect!  Yet because our society is so sex saturated it has unfortunately led women down a road that says their worth and value to a man stems from their vagina and breasts - so the more you show, and the more you know in the sexual arena, will get you the love you want.  Ladies the only love you'll get is the fleshly kind!  You cannot win a man's heart that way.  In fact, if you win him that way, you'll lose him that way, because there is always someone that's going to be hotter than you!  So ladies, listen up!  Short, shorts, and your junk all hanging' out emasculates a man!  Yep, you read that correctly!  When you seek to get his attention by your physical attributes, you are requiring little of him!  If you had any idea how a man was created by God to win your heart, you would put some clothes on, and be the lady, God created you to be!!   

 

It is no accident that worldly men are attracted to godly women!  It's because their very nature was designed to be attracted to godliness.  They truly desire a godly relationship and although they wouldn't describe it in that way, because they are clueless about godliness, I can assure you there is a God connection to that attraction.  God's girls, discern the connection!!!  Don't jump into a relationship that is just ordained for friendship.  Us God's girls hold the keys to reversing this emasculation of men!  Don't underestimate your power as a woman!  Know your place and take responsibility! 

 

Becoming God's Leading Lady,

 

TDahl