When Mis-Trust Causes Poor Judgment of Others

Don't you just love it when you have to pay for other people's character flaws?  What I mean is when people attack your character based on their past experiences with others.  One thing I have learned throughout my 40 year life, is that people are going to think what they are going to think.  At times they will die believing the worst about someone rather than admit the possibility that they have poor judgement.   When you encounter one of these individuals, it doesn't take long to figure out the symptom of why they struggle with any relationship.  They mis-trust deeply!  It's like they are always on guard waiting for the person they are mis-trusting to validate the faulty beliefs they have developed in their heart based on their own life experiences.  It is always very sad to me because for years I lived that way.  I'm incredibly thankful that God brought someone to my life to work that horrible belief system out of my heart.

The person that helped me through that faulty belief system I had, stuck by me when I would lash out in mis-trust.  He was able to separate my behavior from my worth as an individual.  We went through some tough stuff in our friendship.  One day I was sick and tired of being sick and tired of this belief system that kept robbing me of peace and had robbed me of great friendships.  My mis-trust of people consumed me.  I would always have to validate and re-validate my position.  I would need to have other's agree with me, and they would (that area was never lacking) and then I could continue to reinforce my faulty belief .  Meanwhile, the people I mis-trusted were sleeping just fine if you know what I mean.  As I really dealt with my pain and mis-trust issues years ago, I realized something very profound and actually found it in the Bible.  You judge people based on the same things that operate in your own life.  It's true...100% of the time!  It may not be immediately revealed, but it will come to light eventually.  The reason I couldn't trust, was because I myself, was not trustworthy!  OUCH!  Now, don't get me wrong, you don't just trust anyone.  You have to use wisdom.  However, when you've built somewhat of a relationship with someone, when something goes array, you shouldn't automatically assume the worst.  In fact, if you've developed a healthy belief system, you should automatically assume the best, until that person proves themselves otherwise.  I can't tell you how many relationships, good relationships with good people that I've let go because I refused to trust and refused to look at myself in the situation.   

I follow a general rule in my heart - 99.999% of the time, people are not out to "hurt" you!  That would just be evil!  When they are out to hurt you, it's based on their own hurt!  Hurting people hurt people.  It's easy to empathize when you realize that its out of one's own hurt that they lash out.  Maybe you are one of those individuals who deals with this faulty belief system in your heart!  The good news is....there is healing in Jesus Christ!  If this is you, it's time to recognize this, because I can promise you  its holding you back from having great relationships!!  Since dealing with my mis-trust issues, I've been blessed with amazing friendships.  Friendships with individuals that allow me to be me!   We can hash things out when we disagree and still have a knowing in our hearts of our  love for each other.  Friendships that you can share you deepest fears and insecurities and know that they are safely kept even in the midst of an all out fight!  I remember a major fight I had with one of my closest friends.  It resulted in her storming out of my house, both of us balling our eyes out while apart, followed by a knock at my door about 30 minutes later, with a mutual greeting... a warm, tear filled embrace and a mutual I'm sorry!  We laugh at that fight today, but what saved our friendship is that both of us had a healthy belief system and a love for each other, coupled with a deep knowing that when the rubber meets the road, we had each others backs and always will! 

Maybe you are asking,....does this describe me?  Well, one way to answer this question is to look at past friendships and see how they ended and why.  Examine if this behavior keeps repeating itself in someway, shape, or form with the result of an ended friendship, etc.  Do you desire deep, meaningful relationships but somehow never have that desire fulfilled?  These are just a few ways to discover and unlock what's keeping you from the great relationships that God desires you have!  Begin to ask God to show you the why's of this faulty belief systems and ask Him to reveal the steps you need to take to create a new belief system!  I never could have imagined the amazing relationships God desired for me, until I decided to take the steps with God to overcome my own hurt and have the willingness to embrace something new.  Mis-trust always causes poor judgment!  Decide now to disrupt what's causing your mis-trust.

In His Grip, Grace, and Strength,

TDahl